Twenty Bucks In Twenty Seconds
by FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut
Summary: The characters of Twilight are put to the test as they try to win 20 dollars by answering as many questions as possible in 20 seconds. Dont you want to know about Alices favourite brands, Bellas wiggles fixation, or who EDWARD would turn gay for?-COMPLETE
1. Introduction

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight, otherwise the story would be all about Edward and I making out! Woo Hoo!

_One day when dreaming out of the blue, I wondered what would happen if the characters of the Twilight Series, by Stephenie Meyer, we to play a game of 20 bucks in 20 seconds… In which, you have to anwser as many questions as you can in twenty seconds in order to win tewnty dollars. And the the final question of the game is always, who would you turn gay for?_

_ I wondered to myself...Who would get the twenty dollars? Who Wouldn't? What questions would they be asked?_

**_And who, in the name of everything holy, would Edward Cullen turn gay for?!?!_**

Well, I suppose you'll have to read on to find out!!!

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**Welcome one and all to my NEW fanfiction story. Yes, did say that i was going to put up "A Synonym For Edward Cullen" soon, and definitely before another story, but ASFEC is coming to me in bits and pieces, so it could be a while before i can upload it.**

This story was inspired wth a stroke of genius partly from _kellinw _who's amazing fanfiction story reminded me about an idea that I had a while ago for this story. Go check out her story if you already haven't, its really good!

**Hope you like it, dont forget to review!!!!!**

**FWWBH (**_Fuzzy Wuzzy With Bad Haircut_**)**


	2. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen

**Disclaimer: Would I be writing this fanfiction if I were really Steph? NO! I would be out there, finishing Midnight Sun!**

**FWWBH (FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut):** Hey one and all, and welcome to my new fanfiction! Where twilight characters try to win twenty dollars by answering as many questions as they possibly can in 20 seconds! First up… Edward Cullen!

**EC (Edward Cullen): **Hi.

**FWWBH:** Alight, Nice to see you Edward. I hope you're ready to play, because this isn't an easy game!

**EC: **You know I can already see the questions you're going to ask me?

**FWWBH:** (Mutters) Oh, I'm so stupid! Well, I'll just have to think of random ones on the spot then... (In normal voice) Regardless Edward, your time start NOW! _What was the last thing you ate or drank?_

**EC: **Mountain Lion, two hours ago. I was on a hunting trip with Jasper.

**Scarves:** You have a million fan girls, I'm not one of them though, my heart belongs to Jasper, anyway, how does it make you feel that millions of girls want to rape you?

**EC: **It's actually quite disturbing, especially when you can hear what they're thinking! Hey, STOP THINKING THAT!

**Theevilcookiemonster:** What is that strangest thought you have ever heard?

**EC: **Well, God does have an interesting mind… Just kidding!

**Lolgirl607: **Edward, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? No, just kidding, just kidding! My actual question is how would you describe the colour of your hair?

**CullenBlackForever: **Don't deny it Edward, your hair isn't bronze, its ORANGE! You're a WRANGA! Be proud.

**Edward Fan girls:** *growl* Bronze!

**FWWBH:** _Blondes or brunettes?_

**EC:** Brunettes, but I do have a thing for dark blondes… **(A/N Ok, so Edward doesn't like dark blondes, but I couldn't resist, you see, I'M dark blonde!)**

**StefanLover12:** Edward! You are my Favourite Vampire on Earth! Can you tell everybody, even Carlisle I said they are awesome! Mainly Carlisle cause he is the best ever!

**EC: **I'll be sure to pass on the message.

**FWWBH:** _What's your favourite TV show?_

**EC:** The Bold and the beautiful, Oh Rick! How could I live without you?

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** What am I thinking right now?

**EC:** Eww! I don't need to know that about you and Jasper!

**FWWBH:** _If you had a dog, what would you name it?_

**EC:** I already have a dog, it's called Jacob.

**Sammy1224:** for Edward: Have you ever considered making your own perfume line? If so, can I be the first to try them?

**EC:** That's actually a really good idea, I'd call it _Sparkles _for men.

**FWWBH:** _Where is your least favourite place to holiday?_

**EC:** Italy! Especially with what happened last time, you can see why it's not exactly my favourite place to visit. I also don't like vacationing anywhere without Bella! There's always the fear that she'll trip and kill herself while I'm gone.

**FWWBH:** _What's the fastest speed you've gone in a car?_

**EC:** Too Fast, I broke the speedometer.

**FWWBH:** _If you had a son, what would you name him?_

**EC:** Edward Jr, but I've always had a thing for Bob.

**FWWBH:** Bob?

**EC:** It's a family name, don't ask.

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** Will you bite my pillows, if you get the drift...?

**EC: **What? Who told you that! No…

**The Dawn Is Breaking: **Does Jacob have a flea collar?

**EC: **Not yet, but it's on my shopping list!

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** Will you take your shirt off? I think it would boost the ratings...

**Fangirls**: -chants- SHIRT OFF! SHIRT OFF! SHIRT OFF!

**FWWBH:** _Can you do the split_s?

**EC:** Yes

**FWWBH:** STOP THE CLOCK! Please demonstrate!

(Gracefully Edward stands up and does a perfect split, that shows off his physique PEFECTLY!)

**FWWBH**: Woah. (Slightly stunned) Uh… start the clock, _finish this sentence, I like…_

**EC:** Bella, My family, Reneesme, Mountain lion, my piano, this show, chocolate cake, nudist colonies, when people-

_Ping_

**FWWBH:** And your time is UP! Well, Edward, the question we have all been waiting for… _who would you turn gay for?_

**EC:** Well, uh… um… I've always had a thing for… (Mumbles something into FWWBH's ear)

**FWWBH:** Wow! Oh my GOODNESS! OK, that's… AMAZING! Edward Cullen, you have officially WON the twenty dollars, congratulations! Thanks so much for being here today, it was great speaking to you, so until next time, when we meet your charming wife Bella... Bye for now!

Oh, and can you sign my Team Edward poster, PLEASE?

**I know what you're thinking… WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WHO EDWARD WOULD TURN GAY FOR! I have one word for you people… REVIEW- and I'll tell you the answer! Don't forget to check out my other stories.**

**Hee hee, I'm **_**so**_** EVIL!**

**Oh and I'm willing to take questions that you want to ask characters, I'll even let YOU ask the questions in the story!**

_**Love From (that is, if you review),**_

**FWWBH**** (**Fuzzy Wuzzy With Bad Haircut**)**


	3. Isabella Marie Swan Masen Cullen

**Disclaimer: **_Ok, you know I'm not Stephenie Meyer so can we please build a bridge and GET OVER IT? You know, before I start crying because I know Edward isn't really mine… (Sniffs) - Although, he did sign my team Edward poster…_

**FROM LAST CHAPTER: Because I'm feeling nice, I'll let you in on a little secret… **

"**EC:** (Leans over and mumbles into FWWBH's ear) Well, I've always had a thing for Cedric Diggory from Harry Potter, I don't know why, he's just so… cute!"

**So there you have it, it's a LITTLE obvious, but I thought it best to go safe on this one! **

**But, if you didn't QUITE get that, the guy who played Cedric Diggory in the movie Harry Potter (Robert Pattison) was also the guy who played… Edward in Twilight! So really, he has a thing for himself… hm… creepy**

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**FWWBH: **So, before we begin today, I want to thankyou all for the amazing response last time! And I am also VERY sorry that I didn't get time to relpy to all the reviews that I received, there were just so MANY and my fanfiction account and my e-mail aren't exactly cooperating, it's kinda like WWIII here! But it's always great to know your work is appreciated.

And just to let you know, _**we now have an audience**_! Yes that's right, and if you want, you can be in it too; all you have to do is review and tell me if you want to be here or give me a question that you want to ask a favourite twilight character!

Today on my fanfiction, we have a very special guest with an amazing power of blocking people out of her mind… Welcome Miss Isabella Swan!

**BS: (Bella Swan):** Just Bella.

**FWWBH: **Of course, so after seeing your husband go through this last week, are you nervous about playing?

**BS: **Only a little, more nervous about the dreaded last question…

**FWWBH: **Yeah, I would be to! But, as this show has a certain time limit, we'd best be starting. Ok, so, your time starts-

_**(Random audience member)**_ **SL12 (StefanLover12)**: Hellooooooooooo!

**FWWBH:** Yeah?

**SL12:** Well, I just wanted to get your attention to ask Bella something before you started with all the questions

**FWWBH: **Sure… go ahead.

**SL12: **(Turns to Bella)Can I have Edward?

**BS: **Um, No?

**SL12: **Oh, ok, just asking.

**FWWBH: **(Shoots SL12 evil look) He is MINE! But thanks for asking anyway. Ok, sorry for the interruption but your time starts… NOW! _What is the most number of injuries you have had at one time_?

**BS: **Um… 37? I think. We couldn't really count all of them…

**FWWBH: **_The last person to make you cry?_

**BS: **Emmett, when he told Alice she looked fat in a dress. What she did to him after that was HILARIOUS! It had me crying with laughter. Well, as much as I can cry…

**FWWBH: **_What is your favourite pizza topping? _

**BS: **Grizzly bear, mountain lion or sometimes elk

**FWWBH: **_Favourite clothing brand?_

**BS: **I have no idea; Alice dresses me up too much for me to notice, although anything comfortable is fine with me!

**FWWBH: **_What CD's are you most embarrassed to have on you shelf?_

**BS: **Well, a long time ago, we got some wiggles tapes for Nessie… but she never really got into them. So I started listening… and now… Oh, dammit, I JUST LOVE THE WIGGLES!

**FWWBH: **_Who was the last person you talked to on a phone?_

**BS: **My mom, I was trying to talk her out of going cliff diving, because we all know _that's _a bad idea!

**FWWBH: **_What book are you reading?_

**BS: **I am alternating between Wuthering heights and Romeo and Juliet. Although, now that I'm a vampire I can recall both stories clearly in my head!

**FWWBH: **_What's your favourite zodiac sign?_

**BS: **Gemini

**FWWBH: **_Have you ever eaten a goldfish? _

**BS: **Sadly, yes! But it isn't an experience I'd like to repeat… so slimy…

_Ping_

**FWWBH: **Bella, your time is UP! Are you happy with your answers?

**BS: **Yeah, most of them, I'm not sure I should have let the wiggles thing slip though; Emmett's going to have a field day.

**FWWBH: **But Bella, you still have to answer one more question, _**who would you turn gay for?**_

**BS: **Um… well, don't tell her but... (Mumbles into FWWBH's)

**FWWBH: **Hmm… Really? Well, that's an interesting twist, I never suspected HER! I thought you two… ah… I see… Well, thanks so much for being here today Bella, it's been great having you, any last words?

**BS:** I can't wait until Alice comes on next time?

**I know, so I've done it again, right? Left you on a cliffy, without the name you so desperately wanted?**

This is because I've decided that _**I'm not going to tell you who the characters will turn gay for unless I get a certain number of reviews**_. This means, that if I get 20 reviews (please), at the beginning of the next chapter I will tell you all who the person from the last chapter will turn gay for.

However, if I don't get enough reviews, you'll never know… Oh, and multiple reviews from one person don't count! Although, a review can be anything, from one word, to what you had for breakfast or ANYTHING!

But, it would be helpful if you did tell me what you thought of my story… Oh, and drop me a line if you want to be in the audience like _StefanLover12_!

**Love (**and plenty of cyber cookies**)**

**FWWBH **(FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut)


	4. Mary Alice Brandon Cullen Whitlock Hale

**Disclaimer: Roses are red, Violets are blue, this is not mine, and twilight is goo- (d).**

* * *

**[Begin flashback]**

**FWWBH: **But Bella, you still have to answer one more important question, **who would you turn gay for?**

**BS (Bella Swan): **Um… well, don't tell her but... I've always had a thing for Jane Volturri. She's so awesome! Ever since we went to Italy, well, I've had a little crush on her, AND her power is so cool! To bad she keeps snubbing me… I reckon with Lauren Mallory, we'd make a great Threesome!

**FWWBH: **Hmm… Really? Well, that's an interesting twist, I never suspected HER! I thought you two…

**BS:** Were Enemies? That was always a lie!

**FWWBH: **ah… I see… Well, thanks so much for… (See Previous Chapter for rest of Dialouge)

**[End Flashback] **

**Unexpected right? Well, I had to think of something outside the box, random almost, and this was the best I could think of! If you think about it, it explains a lot… Thanks for the reviews you awesome cookie eaters! **

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**FWWBH: **Hello, and welcome back! I'm updating a bit early this week in light of the Christmas season, as I won't be able to update after this for a while, hope you don't mind… And again, thanks so much for all the praise and comments that you gave in your reviews, it made me want to update so much faster (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

This week, some members of the audience will be asking some questions during the round of 20 bucks. They are the people who have cleared it with me, and provided questions to ask Alice that are not related to her leaving her husband so that he can be with you! (Although I find it admirable that you asked ladies… :)

For this round of torturous questions, we have a very hyper helper. Please welcome, Ms Alice Cullen! (Now larger audience, which includes Kacee, Dancingchickie and Emmett's Girl 47, starts clapping loudly).

**AC (Alice Cullen): **Hiya!

**FWWBH: **So Alice, what have you been doing so far today?

**AC:** Oh, nothing much, just a bit of shopping and stuff with Jasper, poor thing is EXHAUSTED! I really don't see why shopping tires him out so much, its not really that hard, and besides, he immortal so he should be able to handle it.

**Kushina Uzumaki 92:** _Al-iiiiiiiiiiiiice_, can't Jasper shop with me for a day instead?

**MrsCullen28:** No, he cant, cause he's with me! Isn't he Alice? Would you leave him so he and I could be happy?

**FWWBH: **Ladies, ladies, hey! If much more of this partner stealing happens, no audience, alright? I didn't know Jasper was this popular! So Alice, are you excited about our game?

**AC:** The game? Well, it doesn't bother me that much, and the sooner I've done this, the sooner I get to see the tortures that you have in store for the others. I must say, some questions you've thought of are ingenious!

**FWWBH: **Thanks! So on that note, let's begin! Your time starts… NOW! _What is the single largest item in your house? _

**AC:** Either Edward's head or Emmett

**FWWBH: **_What word/phrase do you find really annoying? _

**AC:** When people say "Are you really going to buy that?" The answer is _always_ going to be YES.

**Hikaru Hiitachin:** **(Hair Loving Audience Helper)** _How do you get your hair to do that little spike-style you got going there? It's so fabulous and cute! Got any tips?_

**AC:** It comes naturally for me, but for you guys, lots of hair gel or a good hairdresser should be the key! A good hairstyle is ALWAYS important

**FWWBH: **_How many times have you been in love? _

**AC:** I'm in love with a different pair of shoes everyday, and one vampire of course!

**FWWBH: **_Did you buy anything today? _

**AC:** What kind of a stupid question is that?

**FWWBH: **_If you could change your name what would you change it to?_

**AC:** Princess Consuala Banana Hammock

**The Young Authoress:** **(Shopping Crisis Audience Helper)** _What would you do if Wal-Mart was the only store around?_

**AC:** Don't EVER joke about that! But I suppose I would have to make do, either that or make my own products…

**FWWBH: **_Whats the strangest compliment you've ever received?_

**AC:** "Your face is only as pretty as the t-shirt it's wearing", of course I was dazzling the guy who said it at the time, so the poor fellow had no idea what he was saying!

**FWWBH: **_What's the first thing you notice in a person of the opposite gender? _

**AC:** Their blood type… Just kidding! I don't really notice anything about them- I only have eyes for Jasper.

**FWWBH: **(Awww) _Do you get scared of the dark?_

**AC:** It's never dark for me because I have night vision- So, no, I don't get scared.

**Lollyluvsya: ****(Vison-Girl Audience Helper)**_Strangest Vision you've ever had?_

**AC:** A lot of my visions are strange because they don't always come true or are just random snippets of things. It would be really hard to choose the strangest- although, there are a lot of gross ones! I see _every_ romantic moment that ever goes down between any of my brothers and sisters. I mean, I even see Carlisle and Esme! And not to mention when Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley went out a while back, talk about awkward… It's EXTREMELY gross.

And that should about finish my questions!

_Ping _

**FWWBH: **Nice! Alice Cullen, your time is up!

**AC:** So now for the big question?

**FWWBH: **If you please! _**Who would you turn gay for?**_

**AC:** Well, you see, this wasn't difficult at all for me! I would turn gay for- oh, Jasper might be listening (Leans in to FWWBH's Ear and mumbles incoherently)

**FWWBH: **Ah, interesting, and VERY appropriate what with your hobby and all!

**AC:** So who's next? I can't tell if it'll be with Emmett or Jacob?

**FWWBH: **I don't know either, I suppose you'll have to wait and see!

**Did anyone get my **_**Friends**_** reference? (Friends, as in the TV show)**

**You know the drill, 20 reviews please, that is if you want to know Alice's darkest secret? Please? **

**Could you please tell me who to have on next? I'm still undecided as I have good questions for BOTH characters!**

**And don't forget to have a Very Merry Christmas (or other celebration) and a Happy New Year! **

**l l l l l l  
****l~~~~l**

**(Does that look like a cake to you?)**

**\****l/  
****....../l\ ****\****l****/  
****............/l\**

**(Or Fireworks?)**

**Love (from me and future hubby Edward Cullen)**

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**


	5. Jacob Black Masen Swan Cullen

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(Flashback from last chapter, Thanks for all the Reviews BTW!)

FWWBH: (To Alice)- _Who would you turn gay for?_

**AC:** Well, you see, this wasn't difficult at all for me! I would turn gay for- oh, Jasper might be listening (Leans in to FWWBH's Ear and mumbles _coherently_)

I would turn gay for Coco Chanel! Can you imagine all the freebies? And getting all of her new line EARLY! Every woman's dream come true…

**FWWBH: **Ah, interesting, and VERY appropriate what with your hobby and all! (Etc...)

**

* * *

**

Disclaimer:

I think I'm running out of disclaimers… oh! Got one…

**I own neither the time of day nor the book!**

**FWWBH:** Salutations and leftover cyber Christmas cookies my friends, and welcome back to 20 bucks in 20 seconds! I hope you all had a brilliant Christmas and received LOTS of good presents and I'm sorry for not posting any sooner than this.

Today's special guest is different to our previous visitors, so, I'd like you to welcome none other than the one and only world's most annoying (yet somewhat sweet) werewolf, Jacob Black! (Audience, especially CullenBlackForever and AmethystEyes0, cheer loudly)

**JB (Jacob Black):** (while looking in mirror) I'm so hot.

**FWWBH:** (retching, gagging, heaving, etc.) Right… So Jacob, how are things going for you?

**JB:** Well, things are great! Apart for spending my days in the company of lowly stinking vampires, I get to be with Nessie, skip school and Rosalie recently got me my own litter box, so now that's solves a LOT of problems!

**FWWBH: **Hmm… well, while that is… very interesting? Um… we should begin. So Jacob Black, your time starts… NOW! What kind of dog do you have or want?

**JB:** Well, I'm a russet-furred werewolf, if that counts.

**FWWBH: **What's for dinner tonight?

**JB:** Everything!

**FWWBH: **What's something fun you did today?

**JB:** Taunted a leech

**Destiny Kalince:** Because your half dog, Have you ever drunk out of a toilet?

**JB:** Hey! That's not nice… although, I did drink out of a toilet once…

**FWWBH: **Do you think that you dating Renesmee is creepy and strange?

**JB:** What? NO! No way, I love that little girl.

**FWWBH: **What is something you need to go shopping for?

**JB:** Food

**FWWBH: **What is your favourite film?

**JB:** _101_ or _102 Dalmatians_.

**FWWBH: **Do you have any tan lines?

**JB:** Hell no! I'm all natural, baby.

**stefanlover12**: Will you ever leave Bella alone and get on with your life?

**JB:** NO! Bite me!

**FWWBH: **What annoys you the most?

**JB:** Paul. And Sam, Jared, Embry, Quil, Bloodsuckers, uh… and lack of food!

**FWWBH: **What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"?

**JB:** Edward Cullen. Hahaha!

**FWWBH: **(While shooting him a dirty) Have you ever dressed up in women's clothing?

**JB:** Well, um… that's a difficult question to answer… specify women's clothing…

**FWWBH: **(Turns to Kisses of Chocolate, [who is now in charge of the timer] with evil grin) Stop the clock. Any item of clothing that is usually worn by a woman.

**JB:** Well… I did grow up with sisters… and… alright! You got me, it just feels so freeing! Next question?

**FWWBH: **(While cackling madly) Start the clock, Last time you were injured?

**JB:** –Mumbles- I got beat up by a vampire in battle. But in my defence, I was caught off guard! And I _was _protecting Leah.

**FWWBH: **Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?

**JB:** Embry, he threw a pineapple at my head just before I came on stage.

_Ping_

**FWWBH: **Thank Carlisle THAT'S over. Just one question remains though… Jacob Black, _**who would you turn straight for?**_

**JB:** Well I would- HEY! I am NOT gay!

**FWWBH: **In denial! Fine then- _**who would you turn gay for?**_

**JB:** THANKYOU! Ok so I would turn gay for (Mutters into FWWBH's ear)

**FWWBH: **(Starts laughing hysterically, as in REALLY hysterically. Cant get off the floor laughing, stomach in stiches hysterically violent.). You! Oh… MY… what the… ha ha ha! Oh uh! BAH ha ha ha ha ha!

**Kisses of Chocolate:** (Steps in for her insane boss) Thanks for coming today Jacob, you answers have been very… insightful. That's all for today folks! Lets all hope and pray that Fuzzy here get's better enough to tell you all what Jacob's answer was… that is, if you review!

Until Emmett… Hastalavista Baby!

**Yes. It is **_**that**_** funny. **

**When I first thought of it I was incapacitated by laughter for at least ten minutes- my mother thought I had lost my mind! It was lucky I wasn't in a public place… **

**Same as always, **20 reviews** or you don't get to hear my funny moment!**

**Do you think you could let me know who your favourite character is? It would really help me choose who to have next and which people to put in the chapter.**

**Love (Not in THAT way!)**

**FWWBH (**Fuzzy Wuzzy With Bad Haircut**)**


	6. Emmett McCarty Cullen

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine, although Emmett/Edward TOTALLY should be!**

_Apologies for_**: 1) Being a Bit harsh on Jacob, but it just made for a funnier chapter and 2) For not doing Jasper before Jacob and Emmett. Although, Jasper is NEXT!**

**Now on with the story!**

**FWWBH: **Welcome back. I'd like to excuse myself for that little lapse of sanity at the end of last show, and to thank my wonderful time keeper for standing in for me! But seriously, that was FUNNY!

Today's guest is cuter than tickle me Elmo, has beaten the hulk at wrestling and is DEFINITLEY brining Sexy Back… Please welcome to the show, Emmett Cullen!

**EmC (Emmett Cullen): **Hey. (Screaming girls FutureGirl04, dramaqueen-144, MrsCullen28 and Emmett's Girl 47 faint)

**FWWBH: **So Emmett, how have things been for you lately?

**EmC:** Good, I'm happy as ever. I recently _smashed_ Jasper in a wrestling match and just before the show I tackled a few grizzlies for lunch!

**FWWBH: **Sounds cool, so have you liked watching the others so far?

**EmC:** Totally, last chapter was so funny! By the way, who did Jacob turn gay for? **(A/N You thought I forgot, didn't you?)**

**FWWBH: **(Starts giggling a little, then takes a deep breath and says…) _**Toto**_, form "The Wizard of Oz"!!!!

**EmC:** (Gasping with laughter) Seriously? At least… they're… the same… SPECIES!

_(Small interlude of laughter)_

**FWWBH: **Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way! If you have your breath back your time starts… NOW! What is your biggest fear?

**EmC:** Alice Shopping!

**FWWBH: **Would you kiss Emmett's Girl 47?

**EMC:** Sure! She's cute. **(A/N See what I do for my faithful reviewers?)**

**FWWBH: **What's your most visited webpage?

**EmC:** It's a tie between The Disney website, -I love all the games- and also the wiggles website- You know Bella's not alone when she says she loves the wiggles!

**QueenSteph(dot)com(dot)au:** How many women have you been with?

**EmC:** I'm not liable to answer that question because Rosalie might come and rip my head off.

**FWWBH: **What's your career of choice?

**EmC:** For me or someone else?

**FWWBH: **Either.

**EmC:** Pole Dancer's for Rosalie, Alice and Bella, a door to door salesperson for Edward, a psychiatrist for Jasper and a-

**EC (Edward Cullen):** Emmett, you did not just call my wife a pole dancer! (Girls Sammy (Who has a sign saying Team Edward cause Jacob doesn't sparkle), Krissy and allikittenkat1 swoon seeing Edward rush on stage to protect his wife)

**EmC: **Well, Eddie, you'd have to admit they'd make fine-

**EC:** Stop _thinking_ that!

**EmC: **Alright, alright! And the job for me would be… A children's TV show host! Yeah, I'd like that.

**The Young Authoress:** Who, besides Bella, have you lost an arm wrestle to?

**EmC: **NO ONE! EVER! Except maybe Rosalie, but only when I let her!

**FWWBH: **What were you doing at 3am this morning?

**EmC: **Rosalie!

**FWWBH: **Have you ever kissed someone and regretted it?

**EmC: **Yes! Jasper was sending out waves of lust for God knows what reason, and I happened to be standing too close to Edward and… well, you get the rest.

**Becky Scarlett-Cullen:** Have you ever tried, or used steroids?

**EmC: **No way! This stuff is all natural muscle!

**FWWBH: **Have you ever been naked in public?

**EmC: **Hell yeah!!! Who hasn't? Our family once even went and lived in a nudist colony for a-

_Ping_

**FWWBH: **(Silently curses, turns to Kisses of Chocolate and new assistant time keeper Hymnophile) You couldn't have twisted the timer back a bit?

**KoC & Hp:** (Mumble apologies) We were stunned by his hotness.

**FWWBH: **(Turns back to Emmett) So Emmett, final question, **who would you turn gay for?**

**EmC: **Tyler Crowley!

**FWWBH: **What?

**EmC: **Kidding! I know the drill; I have to mumble the proper answer into your ear! (Mumbles into ear)

**FWWBH: **Oh! Thank God, that's MUCH better. You scared me there for a second! Thanks for coming today and it's been great speaking to you! Next Week, by popular demand, Jasper should be making an appearance!

(Cheers from audience especially **Jasper Whitlock Luver**) Don't forget to ask to be in the audience, because this week, ONE lucky asker will get to _meet Jasper BEFORE THE SHOW STARTS_! And harass him as much as you want… Good Luck!

**

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Another Chapter, for your benefit. Reviews please, **20** as usual. You don't have to log in AND I will even write a brilliant review for you:**

Hiya! Great Chapter I loved it! Keep writing. My favourite character is --- and I want to be in his/her chapter! Don't forget to tell me who Emmett would turn gay for!

**Copy and Paste, fill in the blanks and you have yourself and awesome review! Of course, individual reviews are promoted, so it would be great if I could have one :)**

**Love to have any questions of comments you want to ask myself or a character!**

**Love (Peace and Harmony)**

**FWWBH (**Fuzzy Wuzzy With Bad Haircut**)**

**PS: **In relation to the previous chapter title, Jacob had Swan, Mason, Cullen added to his name _because_ he and Nessie are together so he'll be part of the Cullen clan if he marries her. The names were supposed to be in brackets, but you can't put that in chapter titles, so it turned out like a normal name.


	7. Jasper Whitlock Hale

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Sorry it's taken so long to write this chapter. It half deleted itself so I had to start again.

Almost Forgot: Emmet cullen would turn gay for......(Drum roll)..... COACH CLAPP! I know WTH? But it does make twisted sense...

:)

Read and Review.

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**NewVoice, RandomCullenFanGirl1901, CSIvHP11:** _JASPER! JASPER! EDWARD! JASPER!_

**FWWBH: **(Walks out on stage with forlorn expression) I'm so sorry. I regret to inform you that Jasper Hale will not be coming on the sho-

**ILoVeJaZz:** WHAT!?

**Theevilcookiemonster:** Damn you!

**MrsCullen28:** No, Jazzy, no my baby! How, why?

**FWWBH: **Wow, overreaction much? Let me finish. I regret to inform you that Jasper Hale will not be coming on the show until about ten seconds from now because Sk8rChick2355 is refusing to let go of his arm.

**3SmartGirl:** Oh, right sorry.

**FWWBH: **She was lucky enough to win the allotted time with Jasper, and I do REALLY apologize to everyone who couldn't speak to Jasper before the show, and to let you know that I've tried to fit you all into this chapter to make up for it. Whether it's asking a random question or screaming I love you Jasper or asking him to marry you-

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** I LOVE YOU JASPER, marry me?

**FWWBH: **Just like that. I tried my hardest to put you all in. But our friend Sk8rChick2355 just seemed so committed to Jasper it seemed wrong to give her the opportunity to waste her counselling money. No hard feelings?

**JC (Jasper Cullen):** Hey Girls, sorry I'm late. I had to fill in a restraining order.

(Annabelle-Cullen propmptly faints, xox-Smiley-xox starts screaming and beyblade-desire65 waves several large and very cool signs)

**FWWBH: **Wow, I never knew you were this popular.

**JC: **Well, Alice always said that I would grow in popularity-

**MrsCullen28:** Alice _who_?

**FWWBH: **(groan) Never mind. Because of the audience, it might just be best to get straight into things. Jasper, your time starts… NOW!_ Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?_

**JC: **Yes, literally! Alice and Edward's special powers let BOTH of them do that!

**EdwardCullenSupporter95:** EDWARD!

**Stefanlover12:** _Have you ever kissed somebody besides Alice on a bet dare or just for the heck of it?_

**JC: **Yes, but only with her permission first.

**STFNY:** _Have you ever played nasty pranks on Edward because of your special power?_

**JC: **Edward isn't easy to play pranks on. He sees what I'm going to do through my thoughts and disregards any emotion he feels. But sometimes I catch him out; there are some emotions he CAN'T ignore, especially around Bella!

**exactlymybrandofheroin1901:** Who's Bella? You mean ME! Right, RIGHT?

**FWWBH: **Heh hem? _What were you dong before you came on the show?_

**JC: **I was hunting. It's still not easy to be around people for me, and I must say, you smell rather nice!

**Destiny Kalince:** _Have you ever used your talents to "upgrade" your sex life or if, while losing a bet, have you had to "help" one of your brothers with their sex life?_

**JC: **My sex life needs no upgrading! Ali and I are fine as it is. And Emmett and Rose need NO encouragement! Doing that for Carlisle and Esme would be weird- and Bella and Edward are fine now she's no longer human! So, no, not really.

**FWWBH:** _How many times have you been married?_

**JC:** Several! Alice, Rosalie and Esme love any chance to decorate. So in my many years I think I've married around 127 times, and that's if you don't count the couple of occasions we were married _un_officially!

**AmethystEyes0: **_Have you ever been unfaithful to Alice?_

**JC: **NO! Not since after I met her, I would never do that to her.

(Audience Awwww's)

**AmethystEyes0:** _Why on earth did you sending out enough lust to make Emmett kiss Edward?! _

**JC: **Funny moment! Can you imagine two grown male vampires, making out so badly that they broke Esme's favourite vintage coffee table? Emmett basically pinned Edward to the floor!!! I did it simply for the fun of it. Although I was dead meat for three weeks after!

**AmethystEyes0:** _Did you like the nudist colony?_

**JC: **Umm… not so much. It was only for a few weeks and it was all a bit hippie at the time. It was all Tanya's fault. However, sometimes it wasn't that bad, like when-

_Ping _

**FWWBH: **(Turns to timers) Again with the twisting back?

**Hymnophile: **We checked the rules, and twisting is strictly against them!

**Kisses of Chocolate:** Seriously, we did? I was just stunned by his hotness again!

**FWWBH: **(rolls eyes) Ok, Jasper. Good answers!

**JC: **Hey thanks, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!

**FWWBH: **So the final question?

**JC: **Ah yes, my answer is (leans and mumbles into FWWBH's ear).

**FWWBH: **Um… explanation!? What the heck do you mean by saying that you would turn gay for-

**Sk8rChick2355:** JASPER! You didn't let me finish speaking to you; I need to talk to Alice, to let her know that we're going to run off to Canada together!

**JC: **Gah! (To FWWBH) Sorry, it was a pleasure talking to you but I have to run, good luck with Rosalie! (Runs away at vampire speed)

**S8C:** Jazzy, WAIT! (Runs after him)

**FWWBH: **Well that was weird. Until next time!

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Props to AmethystEyes0 who asked not

_**one**_** but **_3_ **fantastic questions this chapter, keep up the good work! ****This week, I'll be asking for **_25 _**reviews instead of 20, so 5 more then usual. I hope that's ok! Rosalie next**

**Love (And Jacob Black- I seriously dont want him)**

**FWWBH (**Fuzzy Wuzzy With Bad Haricut**)**


	8. Rosalie Lillian Hale McCarty Cullen

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**Jasper Hale: **yes, my answer is... J Jenks! He really is CUTE!

**FWWBH: **Um… explanation!? What the heck do you mean by saying that you would turn gay for-

**Sk8rChick2355:** JASPER! You didn't let me finish speaking to you; I need to talk to Alice, to let her know that we're going to run off to Canada together!

**JH: **Gah! Sorry, it was a pleasure talking to you but I have to run, good luck with Rosalie! (Runs away at vampire speed)

**S8C:** Jazzy, WAIT! (Runs after him)

**Hmmm.... Strange, no? Well, Jasper was a hard one!**

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**OMC! Over 200 reviews? YAY! And thanx- A chapter just for you! **

**FWWBH: **Today marks a prominent day in history. Because when Kacee hit the _send review_ button, she gave me my **200th review**! So, because of that, I've tried to get this chapter to you ASAP- and make it a good one!

This means, without further ado, I welcome to the new and very comfy lounge chair for all of our visitors, Rosalie!

(Mixture of loud cheering and booing from audience, FutureGirl04 holds up sign- _Team Rosalie_, Cause deep down we all think she's awesome!)

**RH (Rosalie Hale):** Hey!

**FWWBH: **So Rosalie, how have you been since we last heard form you in Breaking dawn?

**RH:** Everything's been great. I've become less bitter now Nessie's come into our lives and Emmett and I are still going strong. Things have been so much fun! Jacob's the one downside to all this, but I still get a kick out of teasing him, so it's not too much of a burden.

**FWWBH: **Have you learnt anything from the previous guests on this show?

**RH: **Only to guard secrets about the wiggles with your life and that the final question requires a great deal of thought and secrecy!

**FWWBH: **Hell yeah! Good luck and your time starts… NOW! _What's your favourite thing about Emmett?_

**RH:** Just the fact that he's always like a kid. So sweet and kind, and he always knows how to make me feel better when I'm upset.

**Theevilcookiemonster:**_ Do you count the amount of people who ask you out? If so how many have_?

**RH: **Well, that's a difficult question, because some people try to ask me out but end up passing out, or some yell out to me, some people ask if I'd like something other than a date- so I don't know if that counts- and others just stand there looking creepy. Oh, and does it count of they're not a man? Nevertheless, it would be ranging anywhere from hundreds of thousands to somewhere in the millions! After all, I have lived for a long time.

**Flamepelt3377:** _Do you ever give makeovers, and if so, could you give me one?_

**RH: **Alice is really better at that type of thing, but I'm not bad and if you want I could give it a go.

**xox-Smiley-xox:** _Would you rather be a hobo, make out with Bella, shave your head or live with Mike Newton for a year!!_

**RH: **NONE! That's so gross! How can you expect me to pick? Um… how would you define "make out"?

**CSIvHP11:** _If you could have any power which one would you want?_

**RH: **I'm not sure, I think anything would be cool. Invisibility, being able to fly, x-ray vision, super speed or even mind control!!! Yeah, I think I'd like mind control best.

**lolgirl607:** _Have you ever had a "thing" with Edward?_

**RH: **No! He was never interested in me, and anyway, there was no need to after I met Emmett, and especially not now he has Bella.

**FWWBH: **_Can you play any musical instruments?_

**RH: **Yeah! I'm the second best musician in the house, besides from Edward.

**Jembee:** EDWARD!

**RH:** I'm good at most common instrument and can even play a few strange ones!

**vampire chaud:** What is the most outrageous outfit you have ever dressed in for Emmett, if you catch my drift?

**RH: **No comment. I can't say ANY of them on a T rated Fanfiction! I'll just leave it up to your imagination…

**vampire chaud:** What is your favourite movie?

**RH: **The original Star Wars movie, it's really good!

**vampire chaud:** Most annoying Christmas carol?

**RH: **On the first day of Christmas- It's just so irritating, it goes on and on! And who would even WANT a partridge in a pear tree- unless you were going to eat it?

**vampire chaud:** What's your favourite prey?

**RH: **Emmett!!

**Twilight fangirl13:** Do you have a sex life with anyone other than Emmett?

**RH: **No way! Emmett and I are perfect for each other, we don't need anyone else.

**Emmett's Girl 47:** (mutters so Rosalie can't hear) He said I was cute, he totally needs me!

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** Is your hair REALLY real, because it kinda looks like a wig?

**RH: **No, it's naturally this perfect!

**AmethystEyes0: **What was your reaction to Emmett kissing Edward?

**RH: **That was really HOT! But also very creepy, and of course, I couldn't stop laughing because Jasper was making us all cackle madly.

**AmethystEyes0: **Did you ever check on Vera and Henry after you became a vampire?

**RH: **A few times. In truth, I think that checking up on them would have hurt me a lot. It makes me sad knowing that I'll never be able to have kids. But now we have Nessie, everything's a lot better.

**AmethystEyes0:** Have you ever considered kidnapping Nessie?

**RH: **No way! I know that would make her too sad, and she already has a good mother. Nessie and I are already really close, I would never do anything to sabotage that!

**AmethystEyes0:** Did you by any chance have a dog when you were mortal? Did it run away?

**RH: **I was always more of a cat person. Dogs are stinking, stupid, ugly mongrels that have no brains. **(A/N I don't really think this, Even though I hate Jacob, I'm really more of a dog person.)**

**AmethystEyes0:** How many men walked into lampposts after seeing you in the nudist colony?

**RH: **Oh! The nudist colony! That was fun. And also very racy- a lot of people kept staring, especially when we played volleyball. And yes there were a lot of men who fainted, walked into lampposts or off cliffs when Alice, Tanya, Kate and I walked passed. But my favourite time was when this old guy went up to Edward and started to-

_Ping  
_

**FWWBH: **Now that's just mean!

**Hymnophile and Kisses of Chocolate:** The timer got jammed! We even tampered with the rule book to say that it was possible to turn back the clock a bit! But the timer wouldn't budge!

**FWWBH: **Fine, no cheating, I'll just get the full story next time and ask the question to Carlisle at the beginning of the show. So Rosalie, Ready for the final question?

**RH:** Sure, sure.

**FWWBH: **Rosalie Hale, _who would you turn gay for?_

**RH:** Well, this may be obvious, but (leans and mumbles, you know the drill people!)

**FWWBH: **Um…? Well, that's… interesting. I'm glad that you could come today and it's been great talking to you! Oh, and tell Carlisle to be prepared, because it's definitely not going to be easy for him next time.

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**Hey all! Hope you liked the chapter, be good and review (25 again this time please) and I'll get the chapter to you ASAP.**

**Throw me a line of you want to be in Carlisle's chapter, asking a question or otherwise! **

**Love (and LOTS of hugs)**

**FWWBH (**Fuzzy Wuzzy With Bad Haircut**)**

**P.S I realised that last chapter, I put JC instead of JH as Jaspers initals, SORRY!**


	9. Carlisle Cullen

**Happy Birthday to theevilcookiemonster for the 13th and Stefanlover 12 for the 14th!**

**FWWBH:** Hi again y'all, and welcome back to another couch session with our favourite twilight characters!

Unfortunately, for you that is, you missed out on the 25 reviews I asked for. So no revelation on Rosalie today. BUT- If you ask nicely and give me a few extra reviews, I MIGHT consider putting the answer to the big question in the next chapter. However, it's a _big _BUT. **(Don't kill me, you have only yourselves to blame.)** But enough of the gloomy and distressing, its time to welcome the one and only Fashizzle Carlizzle, Carlisle Cullen!!!

**CC:** Hello.

(Angel of Apathy and Sammy1224 crash tackles Carlisle while several members of the audience cheer loudly!)

**Mysterious Reviewer (aka Aone Morea):** I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE you so much Carlisle! Marry me? Please, PLEASE!

**FWWBH: **Ladies! What happened in the nudist colony?

**(****I'm thinking of doing an outtake one shot of what happened in the nudist colony, the poll is on my profile to let me know if you want it or not!)**

**CC:** I didn't go. Esme and I were on our 7th honeymoon at the time. That was just after I brought her the island. From what I heard though it was quite a riot. Ask Tanya, she's the one who started it all in the first place. She decided that we needed a holiday. Personally, I think she just wanted to see Edward nake-

(At the same time)

**VirgIsMyBird:** WOAH! Too much information! **SkittleRocker:** EDWARD I LOVE YOU!!!

**Emmetts Girl 47:** How do you buy an island? And WHY?

**CC:** I do have quite a few contacts, and with the right amount of cash, almost anything is possible! I brought the island for Esme to express how much I love her and to give us a place to be alone.

(Audience Awwww)

**Volturi Girl:** Have you ever danced on a table? And also, I think you rock.

**CC:** Thankyou! Uh, yes I have danced on a table. I suppose it's good for me to try new things, and it was a lot of fun!

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** GO CARLISLE!

**Ashleyisadork**: Did you ever have an affair with Aro while in Italy? Did he ever make a move on you?

**CC:** What? I… don't think so. He has a wife you know? That would be really strange- and besides, he's not gay! Well, he doesn't appear to be…

**EclipsingHarmony:** Have you heard the theory about you being God? If so, how does this make you feel?

**CC:** Which theory?

**FWWBH: **Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and you created Edward, into a vampire, so God is you. That and if every one of us woke up and saw you we'd think you were God.

**CC:** Oh, yes, I have heard that. I must say it is very flattering, but not quite true, unfortunately I'm not God!

**Lolgirl607: **Has a nurse ever fainted when she saw you? And has anyone ever called you Dr McDreamy?

**CC:** Yes! The fainting actually happens a few times a day. It's actually quite scary. However the name has only happened a few times… very strange…

**Flamepelt3377: **When you first became a vampire, what was the craziest way you tried to kill yourself?

**CC:** I tried to do lots of things, none of which are appropriate for a T rated FanFic. I mainly just tried to starve myself.

**CullenBlackForever:** Do you ever play doctor and nurse with Esme?

**CC:** Umm… well… Again, not good for T rated FanFic!!

**FWWBH:** Whats the strangest or funniest injury that you've ever had to treat?

**CC:** The funniest injuries I get to treat are when people that are drunk come in! I once had a high profile judge swearing that he was an endangered bird and strutting around his hospital room like a chicken. It's a good thing Jasper wasn't there or he'd have made us all go crazy!

**Darkangelpristess:** JASPER! My love, my life, my soul mate!

**AC (Alice Cullen): **You wish! No seriously, you do, Edward can tell.

**SkittleRocker: **EDWARD! _My_ love, _my_ life, _my_ soul mate!

**FWWBH: **Ok girls, break it up! Or were going to run out of time!

**Hymnophile:** We got a new timer, and it goes back now! Its ok, you have all the time you need!

**FWWBH: **Smart! But make sure you don't twist it back longer than an extra ten seconds, ok? Otherwise that defeats the purpose of the whole "twenty seconds" thing!

**Kisses of Chocolate: **Alright, but that means-

_Ping_

**KoC:** that the timer will run out now.

**FWWBH: **Oh. Well, we were done anyway! So Carlisle what we want to know now is-

**black burning heart66:** _**WHO WOULD YOU TURN GAY FOR!?**_

**CC:** Well, this actually fits in with a question you asked but… (Leaning and mumbling people!)

**FWWBH:** Woah! Hot! I could totally picture that! Thanks for your time. Esme's next, wish her luck from me, and I'll see her soon.

**I know, I know, you all hate me now for not telling you who Rosalie would turn gay for. But no flames or I don't tell, and no, even if you ask me specifically to tell you, I can't. It's everyone or no one people!**

**Reviews again. I'm putting it back down to 20. And also, I count reviews by chapter. So even if you review every chapter, that will only mean you get 1 review on the tally count. **

_I'M CALLING EVERYONE WHO HAS MY STORY ON ALERT AND HASN'T REVIEWED YET, __DO SO__!_

_please?_

**HOWEVER doesn't matter if you're new to the story, anyone can ask questions. And even take a hint from SkittleRocker, **_**bribery is accepted**_**!!!! I always love hearing the crazy schemes and questions you come up with!**

**Love (With HEAPS of apologies)**

**FWWBH (**Fuzzy Wuzzy With Bad Haircut**)**


	10. Esme Anne Platt Evenson Cullen

**Don't forget to take time to vote in my poll, I really want to know what you all think about my idea!**

_**Hold on, 300 reviews?**_

**I'm in shock. You being so NICE made me feel**_** so**_** guilty I just had to put in Rosalie and Carlisle's answers in this chapter. I'll add them in at the bottom- but don't forget to **review**, or I won't** **be so nice next time! **

_**And I expect lots of thank-you's! :D**_

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**FWWBH:** Hiya all! It's about 2am in the morning where I am, and I'm writing this chapter especially for you because I know I'm not going to have time tomorrow. Again, thanks for the 300 reviews, but I have found a way to repay you! **(See above authors note).** Today's guest is soft, caring, gentle and has a thing for interior decorating! Please welcome the "Cuddly" Cullen, Esme!

(Loud applause from audience **Pimmy Jalmer** holds up sparkly pony signs. **Grrovvyhevens** crash tackles Emse onto the stage. **Mysterious Reviewer** try's to kidnap Esme, but is stopped by security.)

**lolgirl607:** WE LOVE YOU ESME!

**EsC (Esme Cullen):** Hello everyone!

**FWWBH:** So, Esme, what have you been up to lately?

**EsC:** Well, Carlisle and I went on vacation to Europe for a little while which was nice, and I've also recently started to redecorate the house and of course, with Nessie and Jacob now part of the family, I've had to add a few extra rooms in!

**FWWBH:** Have you been watching the show so far?

**EsC:** Of course! Some of the questions you've come up with are ingenious, as are those of the audience! Very funny.

**FWWBH:** I hope your prepared, and good luck, because your time starts… NOW!

**FWWBH:** Where did Carlisle propose to you?

**EsC:** On Isle Esme after he first brought it for me. The poor guy was so nervous though, he could barley get the words out!

**Theevilcookiemonster**: do you have a favourite child, and if so, who?

**EsC:** Don't tell anyone, but I love Emmett. He's just so much like a little kid, I can't help thinking of him as my baby.

**SarahtheEmpath:** How many things did Emmett destroy yesterday in the house?

**EsC:** Jasper and Emmett had a wrestling match, so they broke more than usual. I think they ruined 27 items before we got them to take the fight outside. And then the destruction of the trees started!

**fefe-foreverobsessed:** Have you ever gotten totally mad at Carlisle for anything? If so what did he did and what did you do about it?

**EsC:** There are very few situations in which I get mad at Carlisle and even when I do, we sort it out responsibly. Well, most of the time anyway…

**StefanLover12:** Before you were turned into a vampire by Carlisle, why did you go cliff diving?

**EsC:** Well, I was a bit upset… But learn this lesson kids, CLIFF DIVING IS NOT GOOD!

**FWWBH:** But look what happened to you and Bella, you both got the men of your dreams, and all through cliff diving!

(Murmurs from the audience, all relating to going cliff diving later in the afternoon)

**emily445:** Would you rather give up furniture or sex?

**EsC:** Um… that's a hard question…

**Carlisle Cullen:** (girls swoon) NO ITS NOT! Tell them Esme… ESME?????

**FWWBH:** Have you heard anything about the nudist colony?

**EsC:** Not much. However, I do know that, thanks to Jasper's _gift_, Edward attracted a lot of unwanted MALE attention!

**CullenBlackForever:** Did you ever think about giving up any of your children?

**EsC:** No! I love them all too much! Although sometimes when they break my furniture, I could _kill_ them!

**EmmettsGirl47:** How do you get your kids to be so respectful towards you and Carlisle, and each other?

**EsC:** Well, they are all over half a century old!!! If they can't behave now, then there's no hope for them! Jasper also helps by calming everyone down and Alice always gives us warning when anyone's going to throw a MAJOR hissie fit!

**Mrsjaperhale:** What did you think when you went back to Isle Esme after Nessie's birth and found the feathers and headboard?

**EsC:** I was a bit confused about that, and a bit upset as I was very fond of that bed. However, it's always good to have a chance to redecorate!

**Mrsjaperhale: **What/who do you love more, your house or your family?

**EsC:** Definitely my family!!! With houses, there's always going to be new ones, or different styles, but my family lasts forever… literally!

**FWWBH:** If you won the lottery, who would you call first?

**EsC:** Alice would call ME first! And Anyway, why would I need to enter the lottery?

**Krissy:** What's the weirdest or funniest punishment you ever gave the rest of the family?

**EsC:** There's too many to count! Some of my favourite ones include making them eat human food, going to counselling or taking away all shopping privileges.

**Krissy: **What's the worst thing your family ever did to the house?

**EsC:** Well, it's collapsed a few times, been on fire and was spray painted pink with sparkles!

**Lollyluvsya:** What is the craziest thing you have ever told Emmett, Jasper and Edward off for?

**EsC:** There's another one with too many to count! Although the whole pink sparkles thing was a bit disturbing. One of my personal favourites was when they got Mike Newton drunk and made him go up in school assembly and convince everyone of his undying love for sock puppets, Blinky his cat _and_ Edward!

**Vampire chaud:** Have you ever killed any of the nurses for lusting after Carlisle?

**EsC:** No! They don't know what their doing. Now if Carlisle lusted after one of the nurses that would be a DIFFERENT story!

**Vampire chaud:** Who is your celebrity crush?

**EsC:** Patrick Dempsey!

**Vampire chaud:** Can you sing like Snow White?

**EsC:** Sure! I'm a vampire, I can do anything. **(A/N That is **_**so**_** becoming my new motto!)**

**Vampire chaud:** How many headboards have you and Carlisle broken?

**EsC:** No comment!!!

_Ping_

**FWWBH:** Good answers Esme!

**EsC:** Thanks! So do you want to know the big question?

**FWWBH:** Yes, but first I have to ask it. Esme, _who would you turn gay for?_

(Bends over and murmurs into FWWBH's ear)

**FWWBH:** Nice, I get that! It's been a pleasure talking to you. Next week, we'll be having on the **ENTIRE werewolf pack**! So feel free to ask any of them (e.g. Leah, Seth, Quil, Embry, Sam) any questions you might have!

**Review and receive**_** Edward and all the hot Twilight character plushies! **_

**Sorry the chapter's not my best work, i'm a little tired... :)**

**Love (And hopefully sleep now!)**

**FWWBH (**Fuzzy Wuzzy With Bad Haircut**)**

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**Carlisle Cullen **would turn gay for **Patrick Dempsey** from **Gray's Anatomy**. Props to **dramaqueen-144** who guessed correctly! And **Vampire chaud**, who must be Alice in disguise, as she said that Esme should have a crush on him!

**Rosalie Hale **on the other hand, said she would turn gay for **Heidi of the Volturi**- as they both shared a passion for **fast cars** and **designer Italian shoes**. Props to **vampire chaud** who guessed that too!


	11. The La Push Werewolf Gang

**Roses are red, violets are blue, Esme would turn gay, for… Siobhan's SHOE! Or just Siobhan, They share a love of decorating.**

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HAPPY EARLY AUSTRALIA DAY! Aussie Aussie Aussie, OI OI OI!

**Its a pretty long chapter this time, 5 pages! POLL, MY PROFILE, VOTE!**

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**FWWBH:** Today, we have not one, but 8 guests!!!! Please welcome to the set, The **MAIN** _La Push_ Werewolves: Leah, Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, Seth and, by unfortunate popular demand, Jacob!

**TLPW (The La Push Werewolves):** Hello, Hey, nice to be here, I hate you!

**PimmyJalmer: **(Tries to run on stage and kidnap Jacob, but is stopped by security)I love you my cuddly wuddly hunka hunka burning love!!!!!

**Edwardluva:** No WAY! Edward is SOOOOO much better.

**FWWBH:** Because there's so many of you today, we'll take it in turns to ask specific questions to specific people. There may also be a few questions for the ENTIRE pack to answer. So, if your ready- your time starts… NOW!

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** Seth, Did you ever walk in on Leah and Sam when they were together? If yes, how'd you react?

**Seth:** Thankfully, no! Although they were very mushy in public… *shudders*

**Krissy:** Leah, Who do you hate the most out of everyone in the book?

**Leah: **The Volturi! I can't believe that they even THOUGHT of the idea of guard dogs, that's disgusting.

**Krissy:** Sam, who in the pack has the worst temper?

**Sam:** PAUL! Definitely.

**Paul:** *shaking* no, _I,_ DON'T!

**Mrs Cullen 28:** Embry, do you have any idea who your father is?

**Embry: **Well, I'm not sure. It could be Quil Ateara, Sir Joshua Uley or Billy Black. Personally, having Jacob, Quil OR Sam as my half brother would be totally… disgusting!

**Mrs Cullen 28:** Seth, do you have feelings for Bella?

**Seth:** No way! Nothing more than friendship.

**EclipsingHarmony:** For the pack: Truthfully, how bad does Leah's PMS get?

**Leah:** -growls- Don't even think about answering boys, unless you want to wake up one morning missing your favourite chew toy.

**EclipsingHarmony: **Sam, What is it about you that makes you a chick magnet? *wink*

**Sam:** I… uh… well, I mean… no comment?

**Jared:** Oh it's just his smashing personality and great looks, all combined with the fact he turns into a GIANT DOG!

**Jacob:** -in girl voice- Oh yeah, he's like, totally HAWT!

**Theevilcookiemonster:** SETHY-POO! (Manages to dive past security and kiss Seth on the cheek as well as stroke his chest before being dragged off.) Oh, and Leah, you are awesome as wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll…

**CullenBlackForever: **OH MY CARLISE! (Dives past distracted security and manages to kiss a surprised Seth full on the lips while stroking his chest) How could you? MY Seth, MINE!

**Theevilcookiemonster: ***Growls*

**SkittleRocker: **FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT! Oh, and Hi guys, love the whole werewolf thing, it's so cool that-

**FWWBH:** GIRLS! And _SECURITY_!!!! I swear… No bitch fights…

**Lollyluvsya:** Leah, what do you think of Renesmee?

**Leah: **As long as she's no threat, she's fine with me. Not that I'm her biggest fan.

**FWWBH:** For each of you, what's the best part about being a werewolf?

**Jared:** Kim

**Sam:** Emily

**Quil:** Claire.

**Seth:** It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back. Not to MENTION _all_ the screaming Fan girls!!!

**Embry:** If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

**Leah:** The speed and strength.

**Jacob:** Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.

**Hikaru Hiitachin:** Quil, was it difficult for you to accept that you were a werewolf (shape shifter) when you first changed?

**Quil:** No way! It was great. I was included and got to be back with all my friends again. Not to mention all the cool powers that go with changing, like the super speed and excellent hearing!

**Hikaru Hiitachin:** Leah, did you have any issues with the fact that you would see the others naked between changes and getting clothes?

**Leah:** Well, it's not like there was much to see!!!

**Hikaru Hiitachin:** For the whole pack, would you have wanted to go to the nudist colony if only to see Edward's face when men started messing with him?

**Jacob:** WHAT? Edward nude? HAWT! Any pictures?

**Entire Pack: **…

**Audience: **…

**Time Keepers: **…

**FWWBH:** …

**Jacob:** I mean, gross, what the hell? *shifty eyes*

**Stefanlover12: **First is for Sam, How did you feel when Jacob broke off from the original La Push pack?

**Sam:** To be honest, a bit peeved. But after I got used to the fact it was great not having to put up with Jake anymore! He's REALLY annoying.

**Stefanlover12: **Second for Quil, I know you love her but has Claire ever done anything to make you peeved?

**Quil: **No! I love Claire just the way she is. Besides, most things she does are just cute!

**Stefanlover12: **Third for Embry, if you don't imprint soon will you go out with my best friend Emily?

**Embry: **Uh, sure? Is she cute?

**Stefanlover12: **And FinallyJacob, at the beginning in Breaking Dawn you seemed like such a jerk but yet when you saw Bella you mellowed a bit. How did that happen?

**Jacob:** Well, it was hard to feel angry at Bella, and be upset when she was so sick. It's not right to scream at a dying woman. Also, Nessie made me feel like I needed to be near Bella- even before she was born!

**Lolgirl607: **Seth,What's having Leah as a sister like?

**Seth:** Terribl-

**Leah: ***Growls*

**FWWBH: **Jared, what's your favourite dog joke?

**Jared**: How can you tell if you have a stupid dog? He chases parked cars!!! The funny thing is, Jacob, Embry and Quil ALL have fixations with cars and _often_ spend **hours** looking at parked ones… so…

**Emmetts Girl 47:** Leah, How does it feel to be the only female werewolf, and is it awkward to change in front of the pack?

**Leah: **It's so gross changing, but its worse when they think about it after… I suppose I've gotten used to the whole female werewolf thing now, its good to be representing your gender!

**Emmetts Girl 47:** Quil, How is Claire doing and how do her parents feel about you and her?

**Quil:** Claire is doing fine. My parents don't _really _mind. They're from the tribe and they get the whole imprinting werewolf thing. They're just happy that I'm happy.

**Sammy1224:** Leah, why don't you just take PMS meds and save every one the trouble of dealing with you?

**Pack:** *Laughs*

**Leah:** Cause I don't have PMS?

**Mrsjaperhale:** I have a question for Leah, Have you ever thought that maybe you might be lesbian (no offence to anyone who is) because if you think about it, it makes sense. You're the only girl werewolf and you haven't imprinted on any guy!

**Leah:** *Shoots Dirty* No, that will not happen, I feel in love with a guy, remember?

**Pack:** (Muffling laughter behind hands, well, it was a good question!)

**FWWBH:** What do you think would be an ideal job for any of you?

**Sam:** I'm not sure.

**RH (Rosalie Hale)**: I HAVE ONE! You know when people say dog food has a new and improved taste? You can be the one who tests it and tells all your pals how GREAT it is!!!

**Leah: **Why you little-

_Ping_

**FWWBH:** -So! Renesmee's up next! Review to know who each member of the pack would turn gay for. I'll ask them later… because… uh… we've run out of time! Bye! (Runs for the door as to not get caught in the vampire/werewolf/fan girl bitch fight)

**No, seriously, who tests dog food when they say it has a new, improved taste?? Sorry about all the dog jokes, I couldn't help myself, and besides, it made it a funny chapter, i'm pleased with the way this one turned out!**

**Please review, you know I'll update sooner the more you do! I have like, _100_ preople on alert and only _15_ faithful reviewers!!!!!!**

**Oh and if you want, **_I can **put you in the fight**, and give you **really cool injuries** (from the fighting) next chapter!!!!!!!!_

**BTW: All questions accepted, even the CRAZIEST ones!**

**Love (and Bitch fights)**

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**


	12. The Fight

**Originally, I'd planned to end this story the week I went back to school after the Christmas holidays finished, as its diffucult to keep updating regularly when you also have all this homework and sport to contend with. I go back to school this week. However, because you have all been so nice to me, and this story has been so much fun to write, I've decided to continue with it. This does mean you can expect fewer updates, but I _will_ try hard to get things to you on time!**

**I'm not going to have time to update a full chapter (Audience: **awwwww's**), _BUT_ get this_,_ I did have time to write for you... **

**THE BITCH FIGHT!!! (Audience: **YAAAAAAY!**)**

**It was too long to put in the chapter by itself. Hope you like, I'll try and get Nessie to you ASAP!**

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**Dedicaed to you, As a thanks for 400 reviews.**

**FWWBH: **I'd just like to say girls, I cant _believe _you all got into a bitch fight. I mean, REALLY! Aren't you supposed to be grown up?

**Stefanlover12**, **Angel of Apathy** and **Star-girl62626** have broken legs and hands after they tired to kick vampire and werewolf ass, but found out that they were too hard to break. **SarahtheEmpath, Twilightfan1296** and **MrsCullen28** broke their toes when they tried to kick Alice because Jasper was theirs and **Mrsjaperhale** broke _her _hand when she tried to punch SarahtheEmpath,Twilightfan1296 and MrsCullen28 for taking Jasper from her.

**Brokennecksandbrokenhearts** brought magical shovels to the fight and very nearly broke her own neck when one turned wild and flew away. **Krissy** stole a magical shovel from brokennecksandbrokenhearts and almost knocked Jacob unconscious when she hit him on the head. By doing this, it made **VirgIsMyBird** so mad that she grabbed a permanent marker and drew a moustache on Edward when he wasn't looking. However, Bella got revenge on both girls, with a little help from **Feuledbyfiction **and **RandomCullenFangirl1901** , so now both girls are missing a few toes. All magical shovels and permanent markers have been banned.

**Dancing Chickie**, **Hymnophile** and **SkittleRocker** all ganged up on Rosalie and tried to take her out, however, Emmett swooped in to save the day and the girls were too momentarily distracted by his hotness to stop him from leaving with Rosalie. They now each have a broken arm, nose and rib. **Emmett's Girl 47 **however, pounced on Emmett before he could leave the building with Rosalie; she actually managed to kiss him twice before Rosalie broke one of her ribs and they escaped. I can officially say however, the worst damage inflicted on Rosalie was... a chipped nail. You know, that a pretty big injury for someone who's vein and indestructible!

But the main perpetrators of this fight, **CullenBlackForever** and **Theevilcookiemonster** fought it out for Seth on the new couch for all our guests. They were joined by **PimmyJalmer, Twilight fangirl 13 **and** Sammy1224** soon after, who all claimed that Seth is ALSO theirs. **Acorn9881 **didn't help either by egging them on and **Ashleyisadork **set the couch on fire. However, all of them ganged up on Seth when he tried to break up the fight by telling them that he wasn't interested in any of them. BIG mistake on his part. They all now have broken fingers, kneecaps and hearts, care of his big sister Leah. We now also have a new couch after the last one was burnt to pieces.

Those are just the main injuries. I'll expect excellent behaviour from you girls and no fighting, because next time I _won't_ call in **Dr _Carlisle_** to make you all better and fix your bumps and bruises!

**Love (And apologies for no chapter)**

**FWWBH(**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**


	13. Renesmee Carlie Swan Masen Cullen

**This is seven year old, fully mature Nessie, not baby Nessie.**

**Read and Review.**

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**FWWBH:** Before we start today, I'd just like to say guys, I can't _believe _you all got into a bitch fight. I mean, REALLY! Its so immature! I'll expect excellent behaviour from you today girls, NO fighting!

**Krissy:** HEY! It's not our fault! I'm usually not a violent person, but that's different when it comes to MY sexalicious Edward and his fellow sexalicious vampires in all their sexaliciousness!!!

**KrIsTeN-CuLlEn-45:** MY EDWARD, MINE!

**FWWBH:** Today's guest is the little girl who stole our hearts in Breaking Dawn, Please welcome to the new couch -as the last one was burned down- (shoots **ashleyisadork** an evil look), Renesmee!

(Adoring fans cheer as Nessie skips out on stage)

**Pip31319: **WE LOVE YOU RENESMEE!

**RC (Renesmee Cullen): **Hey! Just Nessie's fine though.

**FWWBH:** Ok, so Nessie, how have you been? You've grown so much since we last saw you!

**NC:** Things have been great, I recently started going to school and Jake and I have been having a great time messing with all the kids there! Things are also great at home; I love all my family so much!

**FWWBH:** Are you nervous about any of today's questions?

**NC:** A little, but I hope you'll go easy on me!

**FWWBH:** Hmmm… maybe! Anyway, I hope your ready, because your time starts… NOW!

**Stefanlover12: **Are you happy with being part human and part vampire and having a werewolf imprint on you?

**NC:** I couldn't imagine life any other way. I'm blissfully happy and I have everything I need.

**Stefanlover12: **Can you visit me once? I really love you because you are soooo adorable!

**NC:** Well, I'll certainly try!

**Krissy:** What do you hear from your parents' bedroom at night?

**NC:** I try not to think about it, I usually sleep in the house with Jake if it gets too bad.

**Krissy:** Do you ever think about what could happen between you and Jacob when you get older?

**NC:** Hmm… sometimes, but don't tell my dad! He'd freak out.

**Destiny Kalince:** Have you ever asked Edward and Bella if you could keep Jacob as a pet and begged them to let him stay?

**NC:** Hahaha! No, but it's a good idea! I should try that sometime, I wonder what they would say? Probably no!

**The Dawn Is Breaking: **Do you know anything about 'the birds and the bees'?

**NC:** Yes, I watched _Titanic_ by accident when I was little and my parents really had no choice but to tell me what was happening. Also, its part of the school curriculum to learn about all that stuff.

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** Do you think you look like Robert Pattinson's and Kirsten Stewart's baby?

**NC:** God no! That would be horrifying…

**The Dawn Is Breaking: **Do you think American/Australian Idol is overrated?

**NC:** Of course! American Idol was created to dumb down the American public and turn them into mindless zombies. Watching one full season of the show is known to reduce a person's IQ by about 14%! Besides most of constants can't even sing.

**The Dawn Is Breaking: **Can you kill Miley Cyrus for me? Or at least the Jonas Brothers?

**NC:** I would LOVE to kill them for you; it would really make my day! But, in the interest of staying inconspicuous, I'm afraid I really can't, such a shame. _Although_, if I'm really careful it might just be worth it…

**Dancing Chickie:** What is the most mean thing you have ever wanted to say to Alice or Rosalie while they were dressing you?

**NC:** I love both my aunties very much, I would _never_ say anything mean to them… and I think they're watching now so I don't want to hurt their feelings!

**Mrsjaperhale:** Nessie, how do you feel about your parents' story starting from when your mom first moved to Forks?

**NC:** I think that it's really interesting, although I haven't really heard the entire story… only bits and pieces.

**Mrsjaperhale:**How do you feel about Jacob originally hating you and wanting to kill you?

**NC:** Its kind of strange, but I know he was upset and that he would never really do anything to hurt me now. I mean how would you feel if someone had just killed your best friend?

**Lolgirl607: **Renesmee, how's it like knowing that Jacob is freakishly in love with you and you're both going to get married soon but at the same time he kissed your mom (Bella) before full on the lips because he threatened to kill himself if your mom didn't kiss him?

**NC:** I was really upset when I first found out. I slapped Jake in the face and I was so hurt and angry. But I realised that that was all in the past and that there was nothing I could do to change it. My mum and dad are both hopelessly in love, and I love Jacob so much too, as he loves me. Oh, and were not engaged yet, I think he's scared of proposing to an eight year old!** (A/N is this answer ok? It was hard for me to write, it took ages to get it to sound ok!)**

**Emmett's Girl 47:** Is it ever awkward being in school with your parents?

**NC:** Very! Especially when there all mushy around each other! Gross. But I have lots of friends and Jake in most of my classes, so it kind of evens things out a bit.

**AmethystEyes0:** What were you thinking when you first saw Jacob?

**NC:** It's hard to remember, everything's a little fuzzy. All I really know is that he's always been there for me throughout my life, he's just Jacob, and he's mine

**(Audience Awwww's)**

**AmethystEyes0:** Is Edward way too overprotective?

**NC:** DEFINITLEY! I can't go on sleepovers, or shopping with my friends, he wont leave Jacob and I alone together in a room, I'm not allowed to drive or do anything REMOTLEY fun.

**FWWBH:** What was the last song you listened to?

**NC:** Supermassive Black Hole by Muse! It's an awesome song, and it always makes me want to get up and do an air guitar solo or play… I don't know… baseball? (**A/N lol, get it?)**

**AmethystEyes0:** Do you have any human friends?

**NC:** Yeah! Apparently I'm really loveable! I get along with everyone in my grade and I have lots of really amazing friends.

**AmethystEyes0:** Do you like shopping and how often does Alice take you shopping?

**NC:** Shopping is not my favourite activity, but I don't mind it so much! Its actually pretty fun when I go with my mum, we always spend ages at the book store. I used to mature fast, so Alice would make me shop a LOT, around once every two days or so! It's so much better now that I've stopped growing; Alice only makes me go once a week.

**AmethystEyes0:** How old were you when you and Jake first kissed?

**NC:** Um… no comment? *blushes* But he is a _really_ good kisser!

(Team Werewolf/Jabob fans Scream and bang on chairs, Team Vampire/Edward Gag, turn green and pass out in their seats)

**AmethystEyes0: **How weird is it that you grow so fast?

**NC:** It was strange, not knowing what was going to be looking back at you in the mirror each morning when you got out of bed. I suppose I did get used to it, but now that I've stopped growing, it's so much better!

**AmethystEyes0: **Do you ever feel like you don't fit in any where?

**NC:** No, not really. Sometimes I feel like I fit in TOO much. It's like I'm one person with three different lives, one human, one vampire and one werewolf! Everyone expects a piece of me!

**Mrsjaperhale:** What do you think about Jacob loving your mom?

**NC:** That's a bit creepy, but it's all in the past now, a totally resolved issue.

**PimmyJalmer:** Have you ever walked in on Edward and Bella going at it or kissing?

**NC:** Kissing, yes, other thing, no- thank God!! It would be unbelievably embarrassing!

**Angel of Apathy:** How does it feel to have loads of crazy fans dragging Loch Ness to find you?

**NC:** Ha! Nice one! Well, I suppose I am extremely important and wonderful! Of course I am very flattered! Naw… Just joking!

**Ashleyisadork:** Isn't it ever weird thinking Jacob made out with your mom, and she ENJOYED it?

**NC:** Yeah! But it was once when I wasn't born, and I know Jake loves me more!

**Hikaru Hiitachin:** Nessie, what's it like being half-human in an all-vampire (plus one werewolf/shapeshifter) home?

**NC:** Strange, but everyone's so close -Except for Rosalie and Jacob- that I don't even see them that way. They're my family, I love them, and I wouldn't have them any other way!

**Hikaru Hiitachin:** Can I have a hug?

*laughs* (Hugs Hikaru Hiitachin)

**Lollyluvsya: **If you could invent a new toy what would it be?

**NC: **Something that doesn't break easily and that's very entertaining! I would alwys break things when I was little. I had a stuffed toy panda when I was little, and I called it Dawn. I remember, one day I ripped its head off and I've never forgiven myself! _Breaking Dawn_ was horrific! **(Get it? Lol! 'scuse the pun! :)**

**RandomCullenFanGirl1901:** If you could chose between being a full human or  
full vampire what would you pick and why?

**NC: **That's a difficult question, because if I was human, I wouldn't be able to keep up with my family, and I would be different, but if I was a vampire, I wouldn't have Jacob and he would hate me! I suppose I'm happy as I am.

**Vampire chaud:** Who is your favorite aunt/uncle?

**NC:** I love them each equally and for different reasons! Emmett's really fun and kind, Jaspers always sensible and easy to talk to about anything, Rosalie is really great! She and I get along really well and she shows me all this cool stuff, and Alice… well, words don't describe!

**Vampire chaud:** How do you feel about Jacob wanting to throw you out the window?

**NC: **It sounds funny when you put it like that! I don't mind so much anymore, he never went through with it!

**Vampire chaud:** What is your favorite human food?

**NC:** There are only a few different humans foods I like but I'm really a big fan of Italian -especially mushroom ravioli-, eggs –I've just always loved them- ,fast food –who doesn't love a good hamburger?- and most importantly… CHOCOLATE! Its just so wonderful!

**Vampire chaud:** Does Jacob wanting to see your father nude weird you out?

**NC:** WHAT? Why does Jacob want to see my father nude?

**Vampire chaud:** What is your theme song?

**NC:** Dad **(aka Edward) **wrote me one on the piano! It's really beautiful.** (TAKE THAT TEAM JACOB!)**

**Vampire chaud:** Have you ever been awakened in the night by funny noises from the other side  
of the cottage?

**NC: **Too many times for my liking! As I said before, I just go inside when it becomes too much for me to handle!

_Ping _

**FWWBH:** Well, Renesmee, Nice answers, good job, fairly credible, nothing that will come back to bite you! How are you feeling?

Really good! I think everything's ok!

**FWWBH:** So, for the final question… _Who would you turn gay for?_

(Whispers into FWWBH's ear) Nice, ok! Thanks for coming, and I hope you liked the new couch! To all those of you who are worrying that the story is over… DON'T! I have a few more chapters in mind! Next Week is the Forks High School gang! Can anyone guess who Mike, Eric and Tyler will turn gay for? It's **EASY**! I'll give you a special mention if you can!!!!

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**NEXT CHAPTER: The gang from Forks High School is next: **_Mike, Jessica, Lauren, Angela, Ben, Eric, Tyler, Coach Clapp, Mrs Cope and Mr Banner_.

**Feel free to ask any questions, ESPECIALLY EMBARASSING ONES!!!**

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**THE WEREWOLVES OF LA PUSH WOULD TURN GAY FOR: **

**Leah:** Rosalie  
**Sam:** Billy Black  
**Jared:** Wolverine  
**Quil:** _Taylor Launtner_.** (Jacob???)  
****Embry**: Quil  
**Jacob: **The dog Toto from the wizard of oz.  
**Paul:** His anger management councillor.

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_**RANDOM FUNFACTS:**_ -The Titanic thing is real, it happened to me when I was little, so awkward!

-LOL! I forgot to put a capital letter in Edwards name and when I went to spell check, it changed his name to BEDWARD!!! Get it, **_bed_ward**!!! What does that even mean???? Does it mean your stuck in bed? Gosh, I'D like to be stuck in bed with Edward... Joking!

-Toto from T_he Wizard of Oz_, while in the movie was played a boy was actually a girl in real life… so Jacob actually _was_ turning straight for someone!

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**Hugs always, Review!**

**Love (**_**Vote in my poll**_**!)**

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**


	14. The Forks High School Gang

**Sorry, It's been a whole week! :D**

**FWWBH: **After the long wait, I'm glad to say this chapter is now posted **(No duh!) **and it gives me great pleasure in being able to bring to you the gang of forks high school… Mike, Jessica, Eric, Tyler, Angela, Ben, Mr Banner, Coach Clapp aaaaaaaaaaand Mrs Cope!

(A mixture of booing and cheering is heard from the audience, most of which love Angela and Ben, but also hate Lauren and Mike.)

**FWWBH:** Hey guys, its nice to see you all here today, and I'm glad that you could come!

**Angela: **We're glad to be here!

**Lauren: **Yeah, whatever! Like I really care, I could be doing other things- *adds in dreamy voice* -like Carlisle Cullen!

**Pimmy Jalmer:** SLUT! That's MY good doctor that you're talking about! (Comes forward and whacks Lauren with her personally signed Dr Carlisle Plushie –which squirts real blood from its fangs-)

**FWWBH:***Laughs* anyway, to save any of you from further injury, your time starts… NOW! Tyler, are you really African American in real life?

**Tyler:** I'm whatever you want me to be baby!

**FWWBH/Audience:** *Shudders*

**Bella251: **Mike, Do you own any pink, frilly, or other girly underwear? Or have you ever tried on a bra? Be truthful!

**Mike: **Oooooooh! Yeah! Wanna see? I'm wearing one now! Alice took me shopping last week. She helped me realise that it's all the rage now for guys to wear girl's undies! Am I right? (Raises hand for high-five)

*Crickets chirp*

**Bella251: **Jessica, Have you ever planned an extreme painful way to kill Bella so you could have Mike and be the center of attention?"

**Jessica: **_HOW_ could you know?!! Oh… wait… um… Jokes? I mean, like… no?

**Bella251: **And also, In the Twilight movie, you ask Bella how your boobs look, um... are you gay?

**Jessica: ***shifty eyes* No! Um… an unrelated question, is the any history of psychic power in your family?

**Bella251: **Eric, have you ever tried building a robot and giving it to Bella for Valentines Day?

**Eric: **I believe that chess sets are a more personalised and interactive present.

**Bella251: **Oh, and Angela, are you a witch? If so, Bella would like it if you join the club...

**Angela:** *Evil Cackle* HE he he he he he… -Strokes Black cat- No.

**Lolgirl607:** Angela… OMV U R AWESOME! Do you want to come over to my house and hang out sometime?

**Angela: **Totally! I'd love to! It's always good to have new friends.

**Anggel of Apathy: **I have a question for Mike: Are you sure your obsession with Bella isn't just a cover for your real feeling towards Edward?

**Mike: **_Edward! _*Sighs Longingly* His marble sculpted chest, soft smooth bronze hair, full perfect red lips and his masculine strength… no, I love _Bella_!_  
_

**YoUkNoWyOuLoVeMe606:** NO! Bad Mike, bad! You like me? REMEMBER! Were getting married on a beach in Hawaii… Or maybe that was Emmett…

**Emmett's Girl 47**: Coach Clapp, Why on earth would you let Bella play sports, when you know it will only lead to injuries ?

**Coach Clapp: **Bella Swan? She's an excellent athlete! And besides, PE is mandatory, I've already tried to stop her.

**Momiji's Secret Girlfriend:** Coach Clapp, Have you ever had a fling with Mr Banner ?

**Coach Clapp: **( Mr Banner and Coach Clap drop their interlocked hands) No, never, strictly professional relationship. You know, late hours alone in a classroom… discussing WORK!

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** Lauren, are you always that bitchy like in Twilight etc, or are you just acting?

**Lauren: **Bitchy? How DARE you do that to me… you… you… Arghh! I mean, just look at your pathertic little face and-

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** I think you just answered my question.

**Lollyluvsya: **Tyler, would you try to run over Bella again because she's going out with Edward?

**Tyler: **_Edward! _*Sighs Longingly* Running over her didn't really do anything for me. So no, probably not.

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** Ok, so, were doing add in a bit of "The Chasers War on Everything" **(Yay Chasers!),** and play "Miss Ten Questions"… So, I ask all the questions at once and you answer when I'm done, comprende? So:

Jessica and Lauren, how many boys had you slept with?

Mike, do you wish that you had a foursome with Edward, Emmett and Jasper?

Eric, how many times in a day do you get your head dunked in the toilet?

Mr Banner, are you actually a paedophilic old fart who rapes young teenage girls, 'cause Jess and Lauren told me you slept with them.

Ben, did you stop growing at the age of 12?

Tyler, were you charged for the attempted murder of Bella?Did you bribe your way out of the charges?

Coach Clapp, how many times had someone thrown a ball at your goolies?

Mrs Cope, is it true that you had this fantasy involving you, Edward Cullen and bananas?

Angela, CAN I PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE have Edward's phone number and his address?

And this is for all of you - Can you guys do a redention of the Llama Song? Or at least Banana Phone?

**Jessica:** What? Like, twenty? I mean… none! That's like, wrong!

**Mike:** Mmmmmmmm… foursome… ahhhh…

**Eric: **I resent the implication that I am in any achievable way at all a _nerd!_ And it's only seven times per WEEK…

**Coach Clapp:** I think my voice is now permanently higher.

**Lauren:** Mmmmmmmm… Boys… ahhh…

**Mr Banner: ***Creepy Eyes* (Looking at TDIB) Pretty, so prett- OH! Shiny thing!

**Angela:** Hey! Ben is perfect the way he is! And just for that, you can't have Edward's address! *leans in and mumbles* But his phone number is…

**Mrs Cope:** Mmmmmmmmm… Banana's… ahhh…

**Tyler:** We collectively refuse to sing ANY song! *Audience boo*

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Who CARES about them? Altogether Now!

**EVERYONE:**_ Ring ring ring ring banana PHOOOOOOONE!_

_Heres a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama_

_Ring ring ring ring bananular PHOOOOOOONE!_

_Fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama, llama, DUCK-_

**Jasper Hale:** *stumbles on stage* Argh… My super hearing! I've been sent to tell you to **stop** singing!

**Jasper'sSoulMate**: OMC! JASPER! (Leaps on top of him and starts to make out passionately.)

**Alice Cullen:** Oi! My Jazzy, Mine!

**JaspersSoulMate:**_*****_Growls*

**FWWBH: **SECURITY! Sorry Girls. And Jasper.

**Vampire Note:** Question for Mike If I told you that Bella fell for a vampire who at one point wanted to eat her and reads mind, over you and she thought of you as an annoying golden retriever, what would you do?

**Mike: **Yeah RIGHT! Like that would ever happen! My God you have a good imagination, you should write a book about that! But I would add in werewolves somewhere, because no good story is complete without a couple of werewolves.

**Mrsjaperhale:** Mike I love you and always have, and always will. I don't know what i would do without you *gets down on one knee and pulls out ring* Mike will you marry me...

Ha! _Jokes._ Who would want to marry you (other then Jessica of course) oh by the way hows it going between you two?

**Mike:** I'm... I'm... DEVESTATED! I thought someone actually loved me for a second!

**Jess: **We broke up. He has mother issues.

**Mrsjaperhale: **Lauren how is your hair and your modelling "career" going? (Refer to new moon FAQ's on Stephenie Meyer's website, **(Website at bottom of page)**

**Lauren: **God, just becuase your jealous of my extreme godliness doesn't mean you have to like, tell everyone how I totally have a modelling contract, which I totally do! The agency is just taking a while to get back to me...

**Mrsjaperhale: **Mr. Banner does it ever get annoying how impossible it is to fail the Cullen's?

**Mr Banner:** Sometimes I just wish that ANY of them would get even one question wrong! Its like they can read my mind, or see the future!

**Krissy:** How many times have any of you had...M rated thoughts about Edward Cullen?

**Mrs Cope: **I think I speak for all of us when I say, SEVERAL times a minute! He's the Mc Steamy of Forks High School!

**Krissy: **Does Edward ever dazzle the teachers other than Mrs. Cope, Coach Clapp and for something and if so, does it work?

**Coach Clapp: **Dazzling Eh? Thats what you call it. Yes it works, sometimes _too _well!

**Krissy: **Did Tyler or any of the other guys ever think about purposely trying to run Bella over (but not really running her over)in hopes she would go out with him for them to repay her?

**Tyler:** Did I think about it? I actually did it!

**Eric: **Yeah, and we all know how THAT turned out! Give it up she's not into you dude!

**Tyler: **Shut up.

**Krissy: **How did it actually play out when Jessica and Lauren tried to ask Edward out?

**Lauren: **What? I would NEVER ask a guy out. Edward came and BEGGED me to go out with him. I told him that I'd have to think about it, but I decided that he wasn't really my type.

**Heart of Diamonds**: What, you DON'T like hot guys? What are you, _insane_? Wait, don't answer that.

_Ping,_

**Hymnophile:** I sped it up a bit after I realised that Lauren would be blabbing on for a little while.

**FWWBH: **Thanks! Good thinking. So guys, that was an interesting couple of questions. Any comments?

**Angela**: No, were all good, anything else?

**FWWBH:** All you have left is… _who would you turn gay for?_

(Jessica, Angela, Ben, Mr Banner, Coach Clapp and Mrs Cope lean forward and mumble into FWWBH's ear… everything's fine until we get to Mike…)

**Mike:** I would turn gay for… Edward Cullen!

**Eric:** Hold on… I thought you said that you didn't like him?

**Mike:** What do _you _care?

**Eric:** He's MY gay crush! You disowned him… pay the price!

**Tyler:** Hold on bitches… this guys MINE! The cryptic stares he gives me, the way his mouth turns up in that little smile- I just KNOW he likes me!

**Mike:** *SLAP* (to Tyler)

**Audience: **-shocked silence-

**Tyler:** *SLAP* (to Mike)

**Eric:** *SLAP* (to Tyler)

**Mike:***SLAP* (to Eric)

**Tyler:***SLAP* (to Mike)

**Mike:***SLAP* (to Tyler)

**Eric:***SLAP*(to himself)

**Tyler:** *SLAP* (to Ben)

**Ben:** What the hell? I don't like Edward!

**Kisses of Chocolate:** Shouldn't you call security, or stop them, or read my new story or SOMETHING?

**FWWBH:** HELL no. This is first rate entertainment; it can't get any better than this!

**

* * *

**

I hope you liked the first chapter in 7 days... that doesn't really sound too bad... maybe I've been spoiling you!

_**NEXT TIME: **The Volturri Prt 1: Marcus, Caius and Aro- all questions accepted!_

**THE REAL ROVE IS COMING BACK ON! Yesssssss!**

**Seth would turn gay for … REMUS LUPIN! Sorry I forgot to add it in last chapter and thanks to **_**Eclipsing Harmony**_** for the idea! And Nessie would turn gay for... Dora The Explorer! Thats why The Wiggles held no meaning for her. :)**

This is the link to the FAQ's for new moon in relation to the modelling career question. **http://www(dot)stepheniemeyer(dot)com/nm_faq(dot)html**

**Don't forget to review and vote in my poll!**

**Love (at the safest time of day)**

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**

* * *

**P.S** While your waiting for my next chapter, go and read:** Love me, Don't hate me. By Heart of Diamonds**

_Bella is best friends with Alice Cullen and knows everyone in the Cullen family except for Alice's mysterious older brother Edward. She begins to see red eyes in the bushes and little does she know, but someone is after her. Who? Why? Is Edward involved?_

I really love this story! One of my friends wrote it so I had a hand in the creation and ideas that are in it. It's absolutely **fab-u-lous**!!!!!!

**The link's in my favourite stories on my profile page!**


	15. The Volturi Part One

**500 reviews, no joke. This is a page for ever day since I last updated! So, it's a LONG chapter!**

**My heart goes out to all the people in the bushfire crisis in Victoria, no, I wasn't there, but some of the stuff that has happened is tragic- I hope all my readers are ok!**

**Second, with the return of Rove, it has now been made official… THERE IS NO 20 BUCKS ANYMORE! I am devastated! How are we going to know who someone will turn gay for IF NO ONE ASKS! Ah well, that means I'm the sole user of 20 bucks… sweet!**

**FWWBH: **G'day everyone! I hope your all good this week, there's been a LOT of stuff going on! Oh, and I really hate homework. So, on this good day, to the excitement of many of our readers, we have been joined by some new and interesting guests. Please welcome to the stage for the first time… THE HONORARY VOLTURI! Marcus, Caius and Aro!

**Emmett's Girl 47: **We love you Volturi!

**Aro:** Hello my lovelies, were just here to control your every action a- er… what I mean is… answer a few questions, yes! Wonderful, my friends!

**Ashleyisadork**: MARRY ME ARO!

**FWWBH:** _Right_. So, if you're ready to get into things, your time starts… NOW!

**dramaqueen-144:** Can I ask Caius why he is so evil. Did he have a traumatic childhood experience?

**Caius: **I don't remember my childhood.

**dramaqueen-144:** As if, I'm sure your just blocking out all the painful experiences as to not get hurt.

**Caius: **I DON'T REMEMBER!

**dramaqueen-144:** See what I mean? You need therapy.

**VirgIsMyBird:** Question to all 3 vamps: Have you ever had the urge to, well you know, experiment different things with each other?

**Caius:** Experiment? Oh, we've done more than experiment, we've done things that would make your toes curl an-

**Marcus:** No, nothing. He's just sad that we haven't and that our wives wouldn't let us anyway.

**Emmett's Girl 47:** Caius, do you feel left out because you don't have a talent?

**Caius: **I do have a talent… a talent for EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!

**mAcKiE mOo:** Aro, Why do you act really nice even though you are a snake on the inside?

**Aro:** My dear, why would you think something like that? I love EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. Like kittens and daisies and fluffy rabbits- *adds in whisper* and sucking the blood out of innocent humans!

**Stefanlover12:** First for Aro, will you ever stop being so cheery, it gets on my nerves?

**Aro:** Cheery? My dear ray of sunshine, this is me in a bad mood!

**Caius: **He's serious you know, you don't want to see him happy! Like that time when he ordered Dimitri to track his own butt, or when he changed the Volturi motto to "Join the volturi, we have cookies!" But the happiest I've ever seen him is when he accidentally mooned Edward Cullen when he came to rescue Bella from an evil tea party of doooooom that he was having. Ah, Good times.

**Stefanlover12: **Caius. Dude you have anger management problems. Will you ever just shut up and forget every thing that ever made you angry already!?

**Caius: **Angry? Who's angry? I'm not angry, no! Why would I be angry when no one loves me and everything's going wrong and I just want to read a good book and drink tea but INSTEAD have to go and SLAUGHTER innocent HUMANS at random INTERVALS. NO! I'M NOT F***ING ANGRY NO, ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Deep breaths.

**Stefanlover12:** Ok then… Marcus, I'm sorry about what happened to your wife. If you ever had to choose somebody else that is from the Volturi guard who would it be?

**Marcus:** Mmph. Dunno, don't care. Most likely Renata; we have the most spiritual connection.

**Custardmaker:** Have you, Aro, Marcus and Caius had a foursome with Carlisle at any point? I always wondered that!

**Aro:** Who tells you of these rumours? There lies, all of them! *leans in to whisper to Caius* have her killed, she knows too much!

**Lolgirl607:** Stop murdering innocents and POP SOME DARN POPCORN PEOPLE!

-Popcorn magically falls from the sky-

**FWWBH: **Seriously, how do you do that?

**Vampire Note**: Marcus, are you gay? Is that why you're the only Volturi who is still single?

**Marcus: **I had a wife called Didyme, She died she died, Aro said she was sleeping, He lied he lied!

**Vampire Note:** And Aro, what is the weirdest thought you have heard?

**Aro:** Felix once had an idea that we turn the feeding room into a 'roller boogie' complete with strobe lights, a disco ball and bad American 1970's music. I liked it, The others did not.

**CullenBlackForever:** Aro: Do you ever have naughty thoughts about Carlisle? And will you be my buddy?

**Aro:** Sure I'll be your buddy! *whispers evilly* as long as you come for _dinner_! *normal voice* And Carlisle? No! Never! Well, at least you can't prove anything…

**PimmyJalmer:** Can I personally smack the members of the Volturi for even thinking about Carlisle? *growls *

**FWWBH:** Seriously don't think that would be conducive to your health.

**PimmyJalmer: **Meh, you can always call Pablo.

**FWWBH:** Pablo?

**PimmyJalmer: **The security guy? Wow, you must be a really bad boss not to know the names of your staff. Pablo and I are on first name basis! Oh, and a question for all of you Volturi, why don't you go to some place like Jamaica to kill and slaughter innocent humans? The tropics are great!

**Caius:** The puny human has a point!

**PimmyJalmer: **Hey! Not puny?

**Mrsjaperhale:** For Aro, I had a dream about you last night-

**Aro:** Ooohhh. Thankyou my dear, if I do say so, you look fairly appetizing yourself!

**Mrsjaperhale:** No eww not like that! I… I… think I'm going to be sick.

-runs off stage to puke in a toilet, therefore not getting a chance to ask her awesome question-

**Lolgirl607**: Marcus, What is your lip gloss of choice?

**Marcus: **Sweet as honeysuckle! Is so HOT! I mean, _really_ cool. Its like, pretty pink and EVERYTHING!

**cynic(dot)in(dot)a(dot)fishbowl:** Marcus, how old was you when you were changed?

**Marcus: **I was a mere twenty three. Not long out of my mother's womb, still in the opening stages of infancy, I can't even really remember what I was doing that long ago…

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** I'm going to do another 'Miss Ten Questions '...Hm...HERE IT IS!

Aro, considering the fact that you've been around for at least 2000 years, was Jesus a good bloke?  
How does it feel to kill your only sister?  
Since you're Italian, can you say 'I need my pizza and my Momma' in an Italian accent, complete with hand movements?

Caius, do you know Voldemort's anger management class? Maybe you should join...  
Did you play that extremist, delusional albino monk in 'The Da Vinci Code'?  
Why do you think your wife loves you? Honestly, I think she's better off with  
a helicopter...

Marcus, can I poke you?  
Do you know where I could get some Nurpooples? I seriously need them for my Kalfuffizzles...  
Did you find Heidi in a strip club in downtown Las Vegas?

And this is for all of you - Are you bringing Sexy Back? -'Sexy back' starts blaring out around the studio-

**Aro:** Ah… Jesus, good bloke! He was so kind and compassionate… and _tasty_! I mean, _holy. _Yes, he was most holy by the time we were finished with him, missing and arm, a leg and a spleen! And I can go one better than the accent- I can say it in full Italian! I've been practicing so I could fit in better! _Devo mio pizza e mio mamma! _*waves hands in Italian style * **(A/N this is where being in extension Italian at school pays off… when your impersonating bloodthirsty Italian vampire who like pizza!)**

**Caius: **Voldy? God that guy's lost his touch, he used to be _sexy _man, and then he had to go and spoil it all by losing to a stinking teenager. Pa-the-tic. And for the Da Vinci code thing, that's like totally mean, I'm HOT goddammit! Which is also why my wife loves me. And also, I'm good in bed *winks*. So, I'm definitely bringing Sexy back!

**Everyone:** Gah! Buckets, puke, need BUCKETS!

**Marcus:** I'm pretty sure you're supposed to give Lemonicles to Kalfuffizzles, not Nurpooples. And Heidi? Well, let's just say we didn't find her in Sunday school at the local church…

**TDIB:** *poke*

**Marcus**: *stares*

**TDIB: **I'll just be going now *backs away slowly*

**Krissy:** Has Aro ever had a thing for Carlisle and if so, does he still?

**Aro:** What is it with everyone wanting to know if I've had a thing with or for Carlisle? Seriously, who told you all? Cause I'm sure they were lying…

**FWWBH:** Yet again, _Yeah right._

**Krissy:** Has Marcus forgiven Aro for killing his mate yet?

**Aro:** Shhhhhh! He still doesn't know.

**Marcus:** hmm-dy hmmm-dy hmmm… ah, what are we talking about?

**Krissy:** Does Aro, Marcus and Caius use any of their minions (as in Jane, Heidi, ect. also the GUYS) for...sexual relief?

**Caius:** I find that insulting. How do you know THEY don't come to US!

**Marcus:** *In sing song voice* Caius likes Demitri.

**Caius:** Do not!

**Marcus:** *In sing song voice* Caius is Demitri's Bitch.

**Caius:** Am not!

**Marcus:** *In sing song voice* He thinks the whole tracking his butt thing was cute.

**Caius:** Did… not… ok so who _didn't_ find that a turn on?

**Krissy: **Who has the worst temper in the entire Volturi?

**Aro: **Lord Voldemort! Oh wait, wrong book. Uh… I'd say Felix.

**Krissy: **Who is the most evil out of the entire Volturi?

**Caius:** Mwa ha, mwa ha ha! The most eeeeeeeeeeevil person, in the entire of the volturi is…. *lightning flashes and bats fly overhead* -suddenly things turn back to normal-. Well, I think Jane, personally, although Alec can be a little twat if you get on his bad side, seriously!

**Krissy: **Who is the most good in the entire Volturi?

**Marcus:** Honey, the definition of Volturi is EVIL. Not good.

**Krissy: **How old were Jane and Alec when they were turned, seriously, why are they so short?

**Aro: **Don't let them hear you say that, the end result won't be pretty. Let's just say there… self conscious of their height.

**Krissy: **Is Aro actually that nice or is he just faking it all the time?

**Aro: **WHAT? How dare you even THINK that… my lovelies!

**FWWBH:** -Turns to Hymnophile and Kisses of Chocolate- Stop the clock. I'm afraid that your answer can't be trusted; we need an impartial judge, preferably one that can hear your thoughts.

**Team Vampire/Edward Fans: **EDWARD, EDWARD, EDWARD!

**Edward Cullen: **-speaks through new loudspeaker system, which has been put in for the safety of the Twilight characters. - He's lying you know. *girls swoon/faint at the sound of Edwards voice*

**Krissy: **Does Aro find many dirty thoughts about Edward from the others? Does he have any about Edward?

**Aro: **What, NO!

**EC:** Again, unfortunately… lying.

**Crowd:** *Wolf whistles.*

**SarahtheEmpath:** Marcus: Why are you always so bored looking?

**Marcus: **Life has no meaning for me… unless it has to do with watching the Superbowl or fishing. Charlie and I get along great!

**SarahtheEmpath:** Caius, How does it feel to be the only member of your threesome that doesn't have a power?

**Caius:** WHAT ABOUT MY POWER OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM? Come on? No even a little tremor?

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Aro, did you ever have a crush on Rosalie?

**Aro: **Rosalie no! But the other Hale isn't bad looking…

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **NO! MY JASPER, MINE!

**FWWBH: **Oh God, not again.

**Lollyluvsya:** this is for Marcus, Caius and Aro: If you could choose to go on a hot date with one of the Cullen girls who would it be and where would you take them?

**Marcus: **I bags Alice! She and I would have a lot in common. You know, with all the fashion and makeup and shopping and stuff? Oh! We could GO shopping on the date!

**Caius: **Definitely Bella, I would take her to a restaurant… she would be on the menu!

**Aro: **Rosalie! I've always had a thing for blondes… And we'd go to… laser tag! Yeah, cool.

**Alice is in Wonderland:** Marcus, why are you always so bored? Doesn't ANYTHING amuse you? You need a girlfriend or something!

**Marcus: **The sight of my face in a mirror amuses me, but that's about it. -holds up mirror- ha, _ha ha_, ha ha ha!

**Alice is in Wonderland:** Caius, why are you such an evil little cow all the time?

**Marcus: **He got changed when he was going through menopause. It still hasn't stopped; he'll be like this for the rest of eternity.

**Caius: **I heard that.

**Aro: **If you didn't I'd be worried. You have super hearing, and he's sitting right next to you!

**Sk8rChick2355:** Aro, are you short?

**Aro: **No, I'm just _special._

**Sk8rChick2355:** Caius, how do you pronounce your name properly?

**Caius: **It's pronounced… Caius! Was that helpful?

**Sk8rChick2355: **No. Not really.

**momiji's secret girlfriend: **Did you actually ask to touch Bella just so you could feel her, or was it really just to read her mind?

**Aro:** Why would I want to feel Bella? *whispers* how do they know all of our secrets!?

**momiji's secret girlfriend: **Marcus, Hey, I heard that nothing startles you. so HOW 'BOUT THIS!?? -lunges and gives him a big kiss on the cheek-

**Marcus:** Er… awwm… shucks!

**Acorn9881:** Marcus, do you have a crush on Felix?

**Marcus: **I prefer the term man friend.

**Mysterious Reviewer: **Marcus, how many centuries ago was your last smile?

**Aro: **Centuries, try MILENNIA!

**Marcus:** -looks at mirror- ha, _ha ha_, ha ha HA!

**Mysterious Reviewer: **Caius, Do you act as twisted and power-hungry and bloodthirsty as you do in Breaking Dawn all the time? Or was it just the immortal child thing that gives you nerves?

**Marcus**: Eating bunnies and innocent children is fun, _fun, _FUN!

**Mysterious Reviewer: **And to all three, OMG, like, seriously, how old are you guys?

**Aro: **That's none of your business; I'm very sensitive about my age!

_Ping._

**FWWBH: **Woah, this was a long one. What's up with the timer?

**Kisses of Chocolate:** We forgot to start it up again after the… impartial judge came on.

**FWWBH: **Huh. So guys, make it quick! _Who would you turn gay for?_

**THE VOTURI: ***leans and mumbles*

**FWWBH:** Oh. Ha… and you don't even realise… Next week we have **Part 2** of the **Volturi**, **Jane, Alec, Felix, Demetrei, Renata, Heidi, Gianna and Chelsea****!**

Until then!

**Read, Review, Vote in the poll on my profile page! ****I really liked this chapter, I was in a kind of funny/high mood when I wrote it.**

**Love (Mmm… the impartial judge)**

\m/(0.0)\m/

Rock on!

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**

**Who Forks HS would turn gay for:**

**Mike, Eric, Tyler:** Edward Cullen  
**Coach Clapp:** Mr Banner  
**Mr Banner:** Coach Clapp  
**Jessica, Lauren:** Bella Swan  
**Angela:** The wicked witch of the west  
**Ben:** The dancing midget from You Tube


	16. The Volturi Part Two

**Welcome back, ****the chapter without further ado.**

**FWWBH: **Aloha my esteemed and extended family! And welcome to the show that puts Channel Ten to shame (but not really)! Today's guests, and yes I use the plural guests, are the life blood- or death blood- of the Volturi! Please welcome the main Volturi guard, and secretary- Chelsea, Alec, Heidi, Demetri, Gianna, Felix, Renata and JANE!

**Alec:** Hello! We're all glad to be here.

**FWWBH: **We're glad to have you here. I hope you're all ready, these questions will be hard! So, your time starts… NOW!

**Dramaqueen-144:** Does Demetri use his power to stalk people?

**Heidi: **Tracking's just a less creepy term for stalking, so… yes.

**EclipsingHarmony:** For Jane and Alec: Would you two consider yourselves fun-sized, and if so, what fun things do you do?

**Jane:** Grrrr…

**Alec:** Jane, remember what the doctor said, getting angry is bad for your health.

**Jane: **No, I'm just upset we don't do anything fun! Cause we ARE fun sized.

**EclipsingHarmony: **For everyone, does anyone have an idea about what happened with Carlisle and the ancients?

**Gianna: **Well, we did hear a few funny noises from the back room… but no one really knows what happened. I mean, they said that they were playing poker but… it could have been strip poker for all we know.

**EclipsingHarmony:** Demetri, Dude, you tracked Caius' butt? What was waiting for you when you found it?

**Demetri: **I didn't track CAIUS butt, I tracked my OWN butt. There's a big difference you know.

**Felix: **Not really, it's still kind of degrading.

**Demetri: **Whatever, he's my boss; I have to do what he says.

**EclipsingHarmony:** If you could choose any of the Cullen's/hales to eat when they're human, who would you guys choose?

**Renata:** Carlisle, definitely! Because then I could say I'd eaten an angel. Mmm… can you imagine how yummy he'd taste?

**Heidi:** No! Edward, most definitely! That fine piece of ass would be the world's tastiest snack.

**Team Edward: **AMEN!

**EclipsingHarmony:** For all of you, what kind of dirty thoughts have you purposely thought when Aro...or Edward even... was reading your mind?

**Gianna:** None that are appropriate for T rated Fan-Fiction, that's for sure!

**Edward:***over loudspeaker* that's not entirely true, there was that one time in which you thought about the entire Volturi doing the chicken dance.

**Gianna: **They were all naked during that particular thought.

**Edward: **Oh, right.

**Soapy-Liedown:** How annoyed does it make you when your powers can't hurt Bella?

**Jane: **Bella Swan. *narrows eyes* She's the most annoying human being on the planet, infuriatingly sexy an-

**Felix:** What did you just say?

**Jane: **NOTHING!

**Mrsjaperhale: **For any of you, will you pretty please turn me into a vampire?

**Demetri:** Do you have any verifiable talent?

**Mrsjaperhale: **I can stalk vampires really well!

**Heidi:** We already have a guy who does that. So no.

**Mrsjaperhale: **Then what if I told you I knew about the existence of vampires?

**Chelsea: **Mmm… no.

**Mrsjaperhale: **What if I find one of those 50 ways to provoke the Volturi lists and do it until you turn me!

**Renata: **You wouldn't!

**Mrsjaperhale: **First up, steal Aro's Teddy!

**Felix: **NO!

**Mrsjaperhale: **Then… I'll Place witch's hats in random places like the feeding room!

**Jane:** I'll kill you

**Alec:** You'd kill her anyways

**Jane:** …I'd enjoy it more

**Emmett's Girl 47: **Jane and Alec - what celebrities do you think would portray you guys the best, supposing there was a movie based upon your lives?

**Jane: **I don't know, I've always likes Dakota Fanning…

**Alec: **Pierce Brosnan, totally!

**Jane: **In your dreams!

**Sk8rChick2355:** Chelsea, why do you have such a normal name when no one else does?

**Chelsea: **I was "Born" only a little while ago around two centuries, everyone else is from the stone age.

**Destiny Kalince****:** Demetri, will you marry me?

**Demetri:** No

**Destiny Kalince:** Can I at least sit in your lap and cuddle?

**Demetri:** No

**Destiny Kalince:** A hug?

**Demetri:** No

**Destiny Kalince:** Can I have an autograph?

**Demetri:** No

**Destiny Kalince:** Um… even if I let you bite me?

**Demetri: **Hmmm… Take a seat!

**Destiny Kalince:***jumps up and down* YAY!

**Mrs(dot)JasperWhitlockIsMine:** Chelsea, have you ever tightened the bonds of you and the male or female you liked to get them?

**Chelsea: **No *shifty eyes* Why would you think I would do that to Aro? I mean, anyone…

**Mrs(dot)JasperWhitlockIsMine:** Jane, have you ever liked a human.

**Jane: **Ah… Bobby Threeface.

**FWWBH: **Um… I think I speak for everyone when I say- WHAT?

**Jane: **It was the swinging sixties, and Aro suggested I go on holidays to relieve some of my anger management issues. Shame it was at a nudist colony. But I fell in love there, and everything was good until he… he…

**Jasper:** Hold on, is this the same guy that started hitting on Edward when WE went to the nudist colony?

**Jane****:** It wasn't a guy.

**Jasper:** But… the chest hair?

**Jane****:** Not a guy.

**Jasper**: *shudders*

**Mrs(dot)JasperWhitlockIsMine:** JASPER!

**Jasper: ***Sprints in opposite direction*

(**A/N Yes, Jane will be in the nudist colony story! Maybe even with other special guest characters… Haven't you ever wondered where Bella was made? Hmmm? But I can do ANY of the story unless you VOTE IN MY POLL!)**

**Krissy:** Since Jane and Alec are family, do they actually care about each other or is it just business?

**Alec: **I care… about business.

**Krissy: **Did Alec and Jane secretly find it a turn on when Bella could defy their gifts?

**Jane: ***shifty eyes* nope, nuh huh, nien, non, NO!

**Krissy: **Does Felix have a thing for Bella, because he was being a little flirtatious to her in Breaking Dawn?

**Felix: **I'm flirtatious to everyone baby, it's a gift… I'M a gift. Rawr!

**Krissy:***shudder* Did Demetri become a tracker just to copy James?

**Demetri: **James copied ME! I'm the awesomest!

**Krissy: **Does Chelsea ever make the ancients have a better relationship with her (as in the dirty kind of relationship) so she can get special treatment?

**Chelsea: **I don't need my gift to get things steaming up with the ancients. They love me just the way I am and treat me like a princess ALWAYS! They love me! But, hypothetically, I MIGHT if I felt like it.

**Krissy: **Why did Jane not like it when she found out Aro gave Bella a gift? *in suspicious voice*

**Jane: **It was shiny, I like shiny things, he should have given _me_ the shiny thing!

**Krissy: **Renata is very protective of Aro...why is that *in suspicious voice again*?

**Renata: **Because he's my boss, and it's my job. Duh!

**Jasper Whitlock Luver: **Jane, are you sure that you and Alice aren't related? Like your both small, both shopaholics and I'm pretty sure you like MY man Jasper like Alice does!

**Jane: **Shopaholic? Yeah right, the last time I went shopping was like… 300BC! Black cloaks were all the rage then!

**Alice Cullen: ***GASP* I can't stand not shopping every ten MINUTES let alone like 2300 YEARS! You're coming with me after the show- you need a new wardrobe!!!!

**Jane:** *Curses*

**Alice is in Wonderland:** Felix, do you have a crush on Bella?

She's Pretty! Hee hee hee hee! No, its strictly professional...

**Lolgirl607:** First off, JANE, YOU RULE! And so does Alec. How old are you?

Let's just say, Jesus and I were good mates. And before that, I knew an Adam, and an Eve. They were together you know...

**Lolgirl607: **Jane, what kind of car do you drive?

**Jane: **A Bugatti Veyron Hermès. World's fastest land car! It costs 1.5 million dollars. **(A/N Link on my profile! Its AWESOME!)**

**CullenBlackForever:** Alec: Please, please, please will you be my boyfriend? You can kill me if you want. I won't mind!

**Alec: **What is it with everyone today; I swear there's something in the water here!

-All turn to look at water cooler and see **feuledbyfiction** pouring something strange in the water-

**Feuledbyfiction:** What? It's funnier when the girls are all hyped up and love struck!

**CullenBlackForever:** Jane: Will you kill Edward for me? I really HATE him. Do you enjoy hurting people?

**Team Jacob/Werewolf/****Seth/Aro:** Yeah! Why didn't we think to ask that question!

**Team Vampire/Edward/Emmett/Jasper/Awesome people:** Oh. My. Carlisle. OH NO YOU DID-DENT!

**Hymnophile:** *growls* You are going to pay. Big time. You, me, car park, NOW!

**CullenBlackForever:** As if

**Hymnophile:** Why, you scared?

**CullenBlackForever:** No, you just have to do the timing.

**Hymnophile:** Right, damnit.

**FWWBH: **No fighting. We've even gotten another security guard. His name is Hose. Say hello ladies.

**Hymnophile: **Whoa. He's big.

**FWWBH: **Yeah, don't mess with the employee of the month!

(**A/N I'll give a special shout out and their choice of Twilight character to anyone who can tell me which show that's from! Its first in best dressed though, whoever call's it first gets it)**

**darkangelpriste****ss:** Jane do you want to be my best friend?

**Jane: **Um… sure. But I'll have to be a long distance friend. I live in Italy, slaughtering innocent humans for a living, so I wont get much time to come visit. It's a very hardworking and fulfilling job.

**The Young Authoress: **Question for Jane, Did getting burned as a witch make you such a pain that you hate life? Or something like that.

**Jane: **I hate life mainly becuase I hate life. I dont really know why, although, I blame my mother...

**The Young Authoress: **And for Alec: Why do you put up with Jane? She can't do anything to you. You can cut of her senses? Are you two a twosome?

**Alec: **NO! She's my sister. *Shifty eyes, whispers to Jane* God, Aro was right! They can tell all of our secrets!

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** Another TEN QUESTIONS! Here it is!

Jane and Alec, which one of you is the evil twin -voice goes creepy-?

Demetri, can you please track the cast of High School Musical for me? I just want to give them stink-bomb-filled sundaes so that they'll die- I mean, get food poisoning, hehehe...

Heidi, did you work in a strip club in Las Vegas? Do you still work in a strip club?

Renata, this is what most of us fan girls wonder...Do vampires fart?

Gianna, how does it feel to become a vampire's dinner in the not too distant future?

Chelsea, how does it feel to be owned by a newborn vampire? I mean, hello! New-Born = Inexperienced little twit.

Felix, can you capture Gaspard Ulliel **(A/N Hottie! Link On My Profile)** for me? Oh wait...You're not the cool, tracking Volturi vampire...my bad...

All, don't you just hate those people that ask you ten questions without stopping?

Would any of you turn gay for Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers? If the answer is no, then 5% of the world population disagree with you.

And lucky last, does Aro ever cheat on his wife? I just want to know...-Shifty eyes-

**Jane:** Alec and I are _both_ evil, were in the Volturi for goodness sakes!

**Demetri:** The cast of high school musical? I think they're on the set for the 27th movie in the HSM series… The last reunion of high school musical! Gosh, they've stretched it out a while!

**Chelsea: **Don't pay out High School Musical! *starts singing* WERE ALL IN THIS TO-GETH-ER!

**Heidi: **A strip club? One of those tame places? As if. I worked in a-

**FWWBH: **WOAH! T RATED FANFIC!

**Renata: **No, vampires do not fart!

**Demetri: ***fart sound* Sorry, couldn't help myself!

**Gianna: **I'm not going to be dinner, NO! They'll learn to love me, THEY HAVE TO!

**Chelsea: **Hmph… no comment.

**Felix:** Gaspard Ulliel. Mmm… HOT!

**FWWBH:** OH YEAH!

**Felix:** Mmmmmmmmmm… Gaspard…

**Alec:** If you know we hate teh ten questions, why do you insist on asking?

**TDIB:** Cause its awesome fun! And it's really cool too!

**Felix: **Mmmmmmmmmm… Jonas Brothers…

**FWWBH: **Seriously, dude!

**-mAcKiE-mOo-:** To Jane and Alec, who has the better power?

**Jane and Alec:** Me.

**-mAcKiE-mOo-: **Who?

**Jane and Alec:** I do.

**-mAcKiE-mOo-: **Still can't hear!

**Jane and Alec:** Not the other one!

**-mAcKiE-mOo-: **Ok that's creepy. To the girls, who has the better butt, Alec, Felix or Demetri?

**Heidi: **Mmm… DEMETRI! I can definitely see why he wanted to chase it! I want to chase his butt too!

**Chelsea:** Nuh, huh! FELIX! God- all that exercise pays off, his ass is HOTT! With a double T and everything!

**Jane: **NO WAY! Alec's ass is just the cutest little thing!

**Volturi: **…

**Audience: **…

**Renata: **You know you're his sister… right?

**Jane: **I was… joking… yeah… ha… ha?

**Twilightismyheroin:** Hey Jane and Alec, why are you so short and how old are you? Technically aren't you like immortal children? I mean, you think that other vampires outside of the Volturi would want you dead!

**Jane: **Were not immortal children! Gosh, were like, thousands of years old! FAR from kids!

**Alec: **I wanna pony, I WANNA PONY! Aro give me PONY! PRETTY pony! I-WANT POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNY!!!!!!!!!!

**Jane: **Ok so maybe we are little kids at heart…

**Stefanlover12****:** Jane I understand what you do as a special ability but how do you do it... Oh and don't try it on me because I have Bella to help me, I hope!

**Jane: **I don't know how I do it, it just comes naturally… I suppose like… THIS! Mwa ha ha ha!

You don't feel it do you?

**Stefanlover12:**Nope, not in the slightest!

**Jane: **NO! Damn you Bella Swan!

**Stefanlover12:** Felix you make me crack up! Dude why are you so dumb sometimes?

**Felix: **Felix HAPPY! Felix like being on show! Hello shiny! I want pony tooooooooo…

**Stefanlover12:**… WTH?

**Stefanlover12:** Demetri why do you track people like for the fun of it or what?

**Demetri: **It's just what I was born to do, as natural as breathing air!

**Heidi:** You don't need to breathe air.

**Stefanlover12:** Another for Jane, do you have a crush on Aro?

**Jane: **I don't fall for guys who look like prunes!

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Felix, I RECKON YOU'RE AWESOME!

**Felix: **Thank you, thank you very much!

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Jane, you really need to grow taller.

**Jane: **Bite Me.

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Demetri, Is it possible to track yourself?

**Demetri: **Yes, but not exactly necessary, as I already know where I am.

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Heidi, ever since I read that you were tall and could wear high heels I bought 2 pairs of wedges! Rock on Heidi!

**Heidi: **Hey thanks! I hope they were good quality though, Jimmy Choo and Prada all the way!

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** And to Gianna, Don't give up! They'll change you someday!

**Gianna: **I know that! And I won't.

_Ping_

**FWWBH: **And that's the end of this segment!

**Jane: **Are you sure you can't stretch this out? I don't want to go shopping with Alice!

**FWWBH: **Well, there is one last question, W_ho would you turn gay for?_

**Felix:** But there's so many to choose from!!!

**FWWBH:** *raises eyebrows*

**Volturi:** -Leans and Mumbles-

**FWWBH:** And that's it, have fun shopping Jane! Next week we have… THE DENALI'S! So get out your questions, and get ready to ask! All questions are accepted!

**I think I was kind of high when I wrote this, especially the pony part. I'm eating a Grape flavoured starburst lollypop (my favourite) and it has a LOT of sugar in it…**

**Do you know that th****e word "shopaholics" is on the Word 2007 spell check? Alice would be proud!**

**Oh, and I have 109 alerts and 95 favourites, So I'd like a few reviews please! **

**Love (Whoa, your shirt just told me**** something!)**

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**

**Who The Volturi Would Turn Gay For:  
****Aro: **Marcus  
**Marcus:** Caius  
**Caius:** Aro


	17. The Denali's

**Hi everyone, sorry for the bad review system, lucky I could still post this chapter on time! I'm working on Edwards's chapter now; I'll tell you all when it's up so you can go have a look! Here is the Denali clan!!!**

**This chapter is dedicated to Stephenie Meyer, for giving us Edward and for continuing her work on MIDNIGHT SUN! Yesssssss!**

**FWWBH: **Ciao a tutti! E Benvenuto al spettacolo! Or, if you don't speak Italian, Hi everyone, and welcome to the show! Today's guests are a group of fantastic vegetarian vamps, who, much like our beloved Cullen's, hunt only animals- although they have been known to cheat, so watch out! Please welcome the Denali's Tanya, Kate, Carmen, Eleazar, Garrett and the back from the dead for one night only- Irina!

-A mixture of loud cheering and booing - the booing being mainly for Tanya- is heard from the audience-

**Kate:** Great to be here, thanks for having us all!

**FWWBH: **We're glad that you could make it! So, if you want to get straight into things, your time starts… NOW!

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Elezear: Do you know what my power would be… Cause I'd like power manipulation... *laughs evilly* JOKE!!

**Eleazar:** Unfortunately, the only power I see in you is the ability to change your height… that could come in useful though- you may want to talk to Aro.

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Lame power, sure, but I get to join the Volturi! Yay! For Kate, can I have a sleep over?

**Kate: **Well, yes and no. I'd love to, but I can't sleep so…

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Tanya, STOPP BUGGING EDWARD! He prefers Brunettes.

**Tanya:** Bite me punk!

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Irina, Aren't you dead?

**Irina:** *sarcasm* what a brilliant observation! And besides, were all technically dead anyway! But thanks for rubbing it in.

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Carmen you're my second Esme =D

**Carmen:** Thanks sweetie!

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** Tanya, how does it feel to be owned by a mere, unco human girl? I mean, Edward PREFERS BRUNETTES!  
Did you get that miniskirt at Whores-R-Us?

Kate, can you use your electric current thingy to charge my mobile for me?  
What do you call a blonde who dyed her hair brunette?

Irina, have you met Sarah Palin before, and did she put lipstick on a pit bull?  
Don't you think James' and Victoria's relationship mirror yours with Laurent, especially the whole 'male-guy-dies-because-of-Bella-and-females-have-a-vendetta-against-Cullens-and-they-almost-die thing?"

Eleazar, what is the difference between a phonimophone and a fartwarthog? I heard the Volturi use the term, so I was wondering...

Carmen, how do you say 'I'm having diahorrea, so stay away from me' in Spanish?

All, do you think Robert Pattinson is bringing Sexy Back?  
And one last question, can I have the Cullens' address and phone number? PLEASE?

**Tanya:** I did not get owned! And I find that insulting! And how do you know where I shop, are you stalking me? That's- oh, you were joking. Um…

**Kate:** I could try and recharge your mobile for you but it'd probably fry the circuits. And what do you call a blonde who dyed her hair brunette? An Edward Cullen Fan girl of course!

**Irina:** No, I have not yet had the opportunity to meet Sarah Palin, and as far as I know, she did not put lipstick on a pit bull- or at least, I hope not… And about me and Laurent? Yeah, I suppose it is kind of similar… I never noticed that before.

**Eleazar:** A Phonimophone and a fartwarthog? Types of cheese maybe?

**Carmen:** Soy tener un problema, mantenerse a distancia. **(A/N that's as close as I can get!)** That means, "I have a problem, stay away!" Which is basically the same thing.

**Tanya:** Robert Pattison is DEFINITLEY brining sexy back! I would know, if you catch my drift…

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** *mutters* succubus

**Kate: **But we don't have the Cullens address book and phone number, we all move around too much to have a permanent address.

**Krissy: **For Tanya: Is it true that she really only suggested that nudist colony  
thing just to see Edward naked?

**Tanya: **Who told you that? Why are you asking! How do you know about the nudist colony!? It was a lot of fun, we did heaps of cool stuff, and Edward and I… well, oh my, GOSH! Just let me say-

**FWWBH: **Nothing. First off, that is so gross I'm going to puke even though nothing happened, and second, I'm saving it for my story, so your lips are sealed!

**Krissy: **Do you and Bella ever fight over Edward with nasty brunette/blonde jokes?

**Tanya: **Are there such things as brunette jokes? And no, we don't, Bella's too _nice!_ *mumbles* Stupid, nice, evil, little-

**Krissy: **Do you ever name her human men Edward and give them a bronze wig?

**Tanya: **Mmm… No. But good idea. Although I don't think any of them could compare to Edwards hotness!

**Edward Fan girls:** HELL YEAH!

**Krissy: **For Kate, Do you get annoyed when/if Garrett calls you Katy or Kay-Kay or Katykins or Kit-Kat or Killer-Katy or Katy-Cutie or do you like it?

**Kate: **Anything my Gary-poo wants to call me is fine with me! *shares goo-goo eyes with Garrett*

**Half the Audience: **Awwwww!

**The Other Half:** Ewwwwwwwww!

**For Irina:** Was Laurent your mate or your friend because in the book, they explained him as a friend, but in the index thing in the Breaking Dawn book, it explained him as your mate?

**Irina: **Laurent and I had many different days, sometimes we were lovers, sometimes friends-

**Kate:** *mutters* and yet, they were always annoying!

**Krissy: **For Garrett, When he and Kate are...busy, how much pain does he go through because of her gift? Does he enjoy the pain like an emo cutting himself (no offence to emo's or people who cut themselves)? Or are you actually secretly an emo who cuts yourself? Is that the only reason you date Kate, because of her pain giving gift?

**Garrett: ***puts knife quickly behind back* I do NOT like pain! And besides, Kate is not only awesomely talented, but HOT!

**Krissy: **For Eleazer: Did you really just use Carmen as an excuse to leave the Volturi because all the members have problems?

**Eleazar:** No! I love Carmen, although all the members do have problems- Especially the ancients! I mean, wouldn't you be upset if you'd been constipated since Jesus was around?

**Krissy: **Did you find the Denali clan strange when you first came in and do you still think they're strange?

**Eleazar: **All women are strange. It's a fact of life. You kind of get used t it after a while though, and just learn to go with the flow. And it's SO fun when the paint my nails!!! *shows sparkly hot pink toenails*

**Krissy: **For Carmen: Does anyone ever call you Caramel as a nick-name?

**Carmen: **No, not really. I think the last time someone called me that was… 237 years 12 days 10 minutes and 32 seconds ago. Give or take a few seconds.

**Krissy: **Does anyone call you Car-man just to make fun of her? Or does anyone call you Carry?

**Car-man: **If they tried, they wouldn't live long.

**Tanya: **Sorry Car-man? Didn't quite catch that?

**Carmen: ***glowers*

**Destiny Kalince:** Tanya-were you upset Edward didn't return your advances towards him?

**Tanya: **He returned them! I just wasn't interested.

**Obsessedwithedward: **In your dreams! As if anyone would EVER turn down Edward!

**CullenBlackForever:** I would!

**Obsessedwithedward:** Yeah, but you have mental issues!

**CullenBlackForever: **You know, I would come over there and slap you silly, but you're kind of right… hmm… maybe I should look into counselling… with Seth and Jacob! YAY! Anyway, Tanya, will you ever find someone to settle down with? *cough*stupid succubus*cough* I mean really what are you like 200 years old?

**Tanya: **Excuse me! Just because you're a weak little infant DON'T take it out on me! I have an imaginary husband, and that's all I need!

**CullenBlackForever:** What's his name?

**Tanya: **Its Ed- um… Bedward, Ok?

**Jasper Whitlock Luver: **Hey Tanya, why'd you let Edward go? You should have kept him; no one would have cared if you did!

-Team Edward fans and Bella give Jasper Whitlock Luver the evil eye-

**Jasper Whitlock Luver: **I mean... Go Edward...? Kate, so are you and Garrett REALLY a couple? If so CONGRATS! And good  
catch!

**Kate: **Hey thanks! That's really nice of you, and yes, we are a couple now! *turns to Garrett* honey, feet off the table, tuck your shirt in! Gosh, do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?

**Jasper Whitlock Luver: **Eleazar, you ROCK! No seriously dude YOU ARE AWESOME! Do you know if I'll have any powers if I ever get turned into a vampire... hopefully by Jasper *goes off into my own little world*

**Eleazar:** I'm not sure, a defensive power maybe? I can't tell…

**Lolgirl607:** Tanya, do you still have feelings for Edward even though he's married and all that?

**Tanya: **Come on, who here hasn't got feelings for him?

**Everyone:** *shifty eyes*

**Jacob: **-rips of audience fan girl disguise- Ok! You caught me, I love-

**Heart Of Diamonds**: Dude, she didn't mean you!

**Jacob: **Oh right.

**Team Jacob:** JACOB! –Jake promptly exits-

**Soapy-Liedown:** For Tanya, Have you given up on getting Edward yet?

**Tanya: **NO! My motto is never give up! Even though he's married, I've got the divorce papers all ready to sign… I just have to trick him into it…

**Sammy1224:** For the Denali's: Have you ever thought of kidnapping Edward??

**Irina:** Who hasn't? It's always been a possibility…

**Edward Fans:** AMEN TO THAT!

**Jacob Fans:** Why does no one ever ask anything about Jacob? We could TOTALLY say amen!

**Kahleigh:** Tanya, did you do any "things" at the nudist colony with Edward?

**Tanya: **Mmmmm… Gosh, Edwards's CUTE nude! You wouldn't believe the "things" we did there! Like that time I surprised him in the shower, or on the bed, in the forest, at the kitchen table… well, you get the picture!

**Jasper Hale:** As a representative of Edward, as he refuse to come out at a present time, nothing happened with Tanya, except a lot of awkward silences.

**Anaa-pixie:** JASPER! Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh, Ohmygosh! *kisses cheek* Oh, and tell Rosalie I hate her!

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** HEY! That my-

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** NO! I think you've overstepped you mark on MY Jasper! PAYBACK!

**Scarves:** Your Jasper? Excuse me!

**MrsCullen28:** You're excused. And he's mine! Live with it!

**MrsJasperWhitlockIsMine:** Heh HEM! Look at my username!

**FWWBH:** Girls no fighting or I'll ban Jasper from the show. Gosh, he's really popular…

**Team Jasper:** *humphs*

-Jasper sprints out back door-

**Brokennecksandbrokenhearts:** Tanya how many times did Edward turn you down?

**Tanya: **Two thousand seven hundred and- oh… j-j-jokes? Never, he didn't turn me down; it NEVER happened I NEVER ASKED HIM ANYTHING! Ok, OK??????

-Tanya goes into foetal position (curls up in a ball) in the corner of the room and starts sobbing-

**FWWBH:** Maybe no more Edward questions for Tanya, I think she's having an insecure mental breakdown…

**Feuledbyfiction: **Why did you guys copy Carlisle?

**Kate: **Because Carlisle's awesome! Duh!

**Feuledbyfiction: **That makes sense!

**Hymnophile:** Um...question for the Denali girls. How many total "partners" do you think you have had over the years?

**Carmen:** Well, that's not something we'd like to disclose-

**Irina:** How would you define partners-?

**Tanya: **Several Hundred thousand-

**Carmen:**-I want a lawyer-

**Irina:** -Like if we seduced them or-

**Tanya:** -Maybe in the millions?

**Kate:** Shush!

**The Young Authoress:** Kate so how is the love life?

**Kate: **It's good, Garrett and I are still going strong.

**The Young Authoress:** Tanya would you go shopping with me?

**Tanya: **SURE! I would like LOVE to get you this AWESOME mini-skirt that I saw the other day, it would go GREAT on you!

**The Young Authoress:** Eleazer do I have potential talent? Please say yes!

**Eleazar: **Yes. Although I'm not quite sure what at, maybe something… shield like?

**The Young Authoress:** Carmen, Will you teach me to speak Spanish so I can go to Mexico and learn how to cook their wonderful food or you can change me in to a vampire and that solves the second problem?

**Carmen: **Chicka, get a cookbook and some Spanish learning tapes! Although I can cook for you if you want.

**Vampire Note:** Please, can I just shoot Tanya? Or burn her which would work better...

**Audience:** *Cheers*

**Vampire Note:** How old is Eleazar...

**Eleazar: **Very Old. I do not keep track of the years!

**Vampire Note:** And why does Tanya flirt with everyone? *mutters* succubus!

**Tanya: **I do not! I only flirt with the cute ones!

**-mAcKiE-mOo-:** Carmen you are so nice! What made you listen to Nessie when you first met her?

**Carmen: **Her face was so innocent, and she looked so much like Edward and Bella! And besides, who could believe such a beautiful child to be a monster?

_Ping_

**FWWBH: **And that's time! Good job guys, those were really great answers. But you have one question left; _who would you turn gay for_?

*mumbling and leaning*

**FWWBH: **Thanks! That's all we have time for today, but next week is Charlie, Renee, Phil, Sue and Billy! Be sure to give me some good questions! Oh, and _There is a preview of the Nudist colony story on my profile_, so you can go check it out, and while you're there, tell me if you want the rest of it or not by voting in my poll or sending me a PM!

**Wow. That was a… mixed chapter. I think it was a little less funny than usual, and I apologise for that. I went to a party today at a chocolate factory, and so I'm sort of high, but at the same time, I got NO sleep last night and I have all this homework to do, so I'm also on a bit of a low. This one was a bit pushed for time. Sorry if it's not up to standards. Edward's chapter is going well, I'll tell you when it's up. **

**The reason that Garrett didn't answer any questions was because his interview is going to be in with the other Vampire Covens/Nomads, he just needed to be there because he's with Kate.**

**Love (Especially to awesome people who review),**

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**


	18. Phil, Renee, Sue, Billy and Charlie

**Next Chapter is the Nomads and your other favourite vampires that havent been on yet, e.g the irish coven, the egyptian coven, Garett, Peter, Mary, and Randall etc.**

**The**_** Who would you turn gay for? **_**That is at the end of this chapter is for both this chapter and the last. Sorry for forgetting.**

**And Sorry I took so long to update, really. There is an EXTRA preview of the Nudist colony on my profile to say sorry. Don't forget to review, and PM me if you want to talk or comment! The poll results are also in.**

**SORRY.**

**FWWBH: **-in a slightly congested voice- Hey everyone, and welcome back after a little longer wait than normal. A few of you got a little confused when I said who would be in this chapter. Today is Phil, Renee, Sue, Billy and Charlie- not the nomads and stuff. So, if you would like to put your hands together, as they come onto the stage!!!!

**Audience: ***Cheering*

**Sk8rChick2355/ cynicinafishbowl-** **-** WE LOVE JASPER, HE IS A HUMAN CUPCAKE! WE LOVE JASPER, HE IS A HUMAN CUPCAKE!

**FWWBH:** So, lets get straight into things, Your time starts... NOW!

**Anna-pixie:** Renee, what did you see in Phil that you didn't see in Charlie?

**Renee: **Muscles, and no moustache.

**Lolgirl607:** Charlie and Renee, are you okay with Bella being a vampire? Wait, do you even know the whole story yet..? If you don't then read this! *hands over copy of the twilight series*

**Renee: **What? Are you JOKING! Bella, dangerous? Yeah right! She faints at the sight of blood!

**Charlie:** Yes, Very strange *shifty eyes*. I wouldn't know anything about that!

**Lolgirl607:** Billy, how is it like to have a werewolf as a son?

**Billy: **It's awesome, but also a big responsibility. You have to feed him and clean him and take him to the vet. You also have to walk him and clean up when he poops. You can't shed the responsibility onto others, that's not fair because it was you who wanted a werewolf in the first place! Oh, and it's terrible when they get fleas or worms.

**SarahtheEmpath:** Charlie, Have you ever tried (or thought about) shooting Edward? Go on, I dare you... you'll be in for a suprise... :)

**Charlie: **Edward Cullen? Gosh, shooting him would be the highlight of my LIFE!

**SarahtheEmpath:** If Charlie ever tries to shoot Edward again... Let's just say Forks will need a new Police chief...

**Team Edward**: Yeah! Damn straight!

**Team Jacob:** -in creepy voices- Do it… DO IT! SHOOT HIM!

**Vampire Note**: Charlie, what was your first thought when you saw Jacob get naked in front of you?

**Charlie: **Let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. It was something along the lines of… God he has a hot body!

**Team Jacob:** Finally, AMEN TO THAT!

**Charlie: **And then my second thought was "what the hell! Is Jacob GAY?"

**Team Edward:** AMEN TO THAT! I mean, it just makes so much SENSE!

**SarahtheEmpath:** Renee, don't you wonder where the hell your married daughter went?

**Renee: **Hmmm… yes, sometimes. But you know, I also wonder where my phone bill and curling iron went. That reminds me, Phil can we go skydiving?

**Phil: **No sweetie, just have your medication. And think of bunnies.

**Renee: **Oh! BUNNIES!

**SarahtheEmpath:** Billy, why the hell are you so calm about vampire Bella all of a sudden!

**Billy: **Confucius say, one cannot love one's own self, if one is not loving all of things, including malicious bloodthirsty vampires.

**SarahtheEmpath:** Phil, why have you never said a single word in the whole series?

**Phil:** … *in sign language* I'm actually mute in the book and no one has ever told you about it.

**SarahtheEmpath:** And Sue, are you and Charlie getting married?

**Sue: **Well DUH! I've picked out all the colour schemes, the dress, the decoration and the reception! I've also set the date, sent out the invitations and baked the cake! He just needs to ask me now…

**CullenBlackForever:** Renee how do you feel about Bella being a vampire?

**Renee: **A what?

**CullenBlackForever:** Oh, RIGHT! You don't know, um… think about… bunnies?

**Renee: **OH! Bunnies…

**CullenBlackForever:** Charlie are Billy and you secretly gay and dating 'cause in some FanFic's you are?

**Charlie: **Well, gosh… Aro was right when we went out for a dinner date last week. You guys really do know all of our secrets!

**dramaqueen-144:** Charlie: How does it feel to know your son-in-law once was a part of a nudist colony?

**Charlie: **Rawr! Kinky! Pictures, anyone? Come on!!!!

**Jacob Black: **That's what I said!

**Everyone:** …

**Billy: **Jacob?

**Jacob: **Oh. Hi dad. I'll just be leaving now.

**PimmyJalmer:** *Tries to attack somebody with her Carlisle vampire doll that shoots blood out of his fangs, but misses.*

**dramaqueen-144: **What would you think if I told you Vampires, Werewolves and the loch-ness monster were real?

**Renee: **The loch-ness monster? Cool! Hey Phil, can we go parasailing of the coast of east Africa?

**Phil: **Maybe honey pie. But don't you want to think of-

**Renee: **Bunnies!

**Phil:** Exactly.

**The Dawn is Breaking:** More Ten Questions! (Seriously, are you getting sick of these?)

Charlie, what would you include in Obama's stimulus package?  
Do you want to be a vampir- Ops! Too much info!

Renee, what sort of piano do you have at home? Kawai? Yamaha? Steinway?  
Moody-Doody-Doo?  
Admit it; you actually wanted Edward for yourself, didn't you?

Phil, did I ever tell you that baseball sucks?  
Admit it; you had a crush on the Cullen girls, didn't you?

Billy, I've heard this rumour somewhere that you lived during the time of the Cullens. However, because of your, erm, leg condition, you didn't turn into a wolf. Is that true?

Can I get Jacob's phone number? I just want to, um, say something to him...-shifty eyes-

Sue, did your husband die because he had one too many fish fry?  
Tell us the truth - Is Leah a she-male?

**Charlie:** Definitely more money for fishing, and giant plasma screen TV budget should have been included in Obamas package, and what is it you were saying about Bells? I hope it was need to know only.

**Renee:** I have a baby grand. No literally, a _baby _grand. Like one of those little plastic rainbow coloured ones that little kids play with? They're SUPER AWESOME! And Edward is perrrrrrrrty, like girls and sofas and…

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** Bunnies?

**Renee: **EXACTLY!

**FWWBH:** *mumbles* What is it with her and bunnies?

**Phil:** Did you mean baseball sucks, or I suck at baseball? And who doesn't have a crush on the Cullen boys! I mean, have you seen them!

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** I said Cullen Girls, not boys.

**Phil:**_Right_. *Shifty eyes* Moving on!

**Billy: **No, I wasn't here in the time of the Cullens. And yes, it was most likely because of my leg condition that I didn't change into a wolf, although that suits me fine. And Jakes number? Well, if you _need _to tell him something… Its 0495826581947464917y482. **(A/N I wouldn't suggest calling that number!)**

**Sue:** No, my last husband died of boredom AND fish fry. And Leah? No comment! We love her the way she is! Right?

**Audience:** … *crickets chirp*

**PimmyJalmer:** Wow. I love my part in the Voultri 1. Can I please attack somebody with my Carlisle vampire doll that shoots out blood out of his fangs? PLEASE? God I just love this. And I'm making a T-Shirt thats says.. uh i don't know yet.

**EDWARD'Swife:** Edward if you are back stage I love you. I know you love Bella but I love you so much my friends think I am InSaNe!

**Billy:** You do know this is our chapter, right? Not Edwards.

**Heart Of Diamonds: **So what, Edwards awesome! He deserves to be in EVERY chapter!

**EDWARD'Swife:** Exactly. A question for Charlie. I know Bella and Edward might be listening but do you ever wish that Bella picked someone else to be with?*mumbles* then Edward would be all mine...

**Charlie: **Well, Jake would have been my first choice for Bells, but Edward's still pretty hot! I don't mind him.

**EDWARD'Swife:** Damn

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Charlie: Do you really hate Edward deep down inside because he stole Bella from you? And do you really like Renesmee? Cause I… LOVE HER *cough* yes, I totally love her....*shifty eyes*

**Charlie: **I love Nessie! She the one great thing that has come out of this whole thing! She's so adorable.

**Jasper'sSoulMate:** Billy, OMGosh do you really have like massive abbs under all wheelchair charades? And can Edward back up that theory?

**Edward:** How am I supposed to know if he does? It's not like he goes around thinking about how hot his abbs are! Well, not always… And by the way, for the girls on the timer, I think it should have dinged by now.

**Hymnophile: **OMC! Edward Cullen just talked to me! Deep breaths in… and out… in… and out…

**Kisses of Chocolate: **Wow. Ok. Right. Sorry!

_Ping_

**FWWBH: **And we are out of time! Just one question left for the five of you, _who would you turn gay for?_

**Billy:** Well, I would…

**Charlie:** Um…

**Sue:** Obviously…

**Renee**: BUNNIES! And…

**Phil:** As long as no one else hears…

**FWWBH: **Well, those were interesting, and certainly unexpected! See you all soon!

* * *

**Don't hate me, really don't! I've been sick, it's not my fault. Have you ever had one of those times that when you miss school for a couple of days and then come back, like **_**every single one**_** of your teachers has given you an assignment?**

**Sorry for the long wait. The nudist colony story is coming along GREAT! I'm almost halfway through. And Edwards's chapter is good too. Oh, and go and read **_Love me, don't hate me _**by** Heart of Diamonds_**. **_**I'm SERIOUS! ****If you don't review to her story, I'm not updating mine!!!**

**And thanks to Apil for the awesome help on the Spanish translation.** I'm having diahorrea, so stay away from me' in Spanish means: "tengo diarrea asi que alejate de mi' or 'ahorita tengo diarrea asi que si valoras tu vida huye! The second literally means: right now i have diahorrea so if you value your life run away! **I owe her one!**

**Love (And wadded up tissues)**

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**

* * *

**Who would they turn gay for? Well, of course:**

**Jane:** Barbie  
**Alec:** Wormtail  
**Felix:** Hugh Jackman  
**Heidi:** Gianna (why do you think they kept her around for so long?)  
**Renata:** Her Cat  
**Demetri:** Jacob/Edward combo.  
**Chelsea:** Marge Simpson  
**Gianna: **A Prada executive or Rosalie.  
**Tanya:** Anyone and anything!  
**Kate:** Leah  
**Elezar:** Brad Pitt  
**Carmen:** Nessie  
**Irina:** Herself


	19. Vampires and YOU!

_PLEASE READ, VERY IMPORTANT!_

_IMPORTANT: _**Next week on the show is anyone you want. You can ask **_**ANY**_** questions you have for ANY of the Twilight characters or myself.**

**Ask your favourite characters whatever you want, like questions you forgot to ask when they were on last time.**

**ALL QUESTIONS ARE ACCEPTED, PLEASE ASK SOME!**

* * *

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** (Turns to Sammy 1224, who is cuddling a cat) Cute Cat! What's its name?

**Sammy1224:** Carlisle, cool huh?!

**Mrs Jazz Hale:** Ha! So your team Carlisle, right? That's cool; maybe I should get a cat and call it Jasper! I'm Team Jasper see, 'cause he's the ULTIMATE chill pill! Even though he's so HOT!

**Edward-and-jasper:** Uh Huh! And Edward too, don't forget Edward!

**Emmett's Girl 47:** Hell no! Or Emmett, or even James!

**CullenBlackForever:** James? Really? So you won't go for Jacob, but you'll go for JAMES?

**Emmett's Girl 47:** Uh Huh. Speaking of James. Where are the Nomads? And does anyone know where FWWBH is?

**Feuledbyfiction:** No, actually. I don't.

**A-Hoenie39**: Maybe she's still sick.

**KrIsTeN-CuLlEn-45**: Ask the timers

**Hymnophile**: I haven't seen her!

**Kisses of Chocolate:** She's not still sick; I've seen her everyday this past week! You know the show can't start until she introduces the characters, AND it can't finish until she asks them _the_ question!

**EdwardCullenismyluv:** WE could do it, I mean, we could run the show!

**Spider-Hand:** Yeah! We could take turns, I mean; we ask heaps of questions anyway.

**EclipsingHarmony**: YEAH! Um… so how does she usually start?

**little-miss-vampire100:** She starts with… Hello Everyone?

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** And welcome to the show!

**Quirke:** Today's guests are in plentiful supply, so please welcome to the stage-

**Jasper's Soul Mate:** James, Victoria, Laurent, the Irish, Egyptian, Amazonian and Romanian Covens _and_ The American and European NOMADS!

**Emmett's Girl 47:** Especially welcome James.

(Cheering as the aforementioned vampires walk out onto the stage)

**dramaqueen-144:** Its working! Cool, so let's start the show!

**lolgirl607:** Welcome, it's great to have you all here! Because there's so many of you today, we'll just get straight into it.

**Sioban:** Sure, but… Where's Fuzzy?

**K 4 kookiemonsta:** We honestly don't know.

**Maggie:** Hmm… they're telling the truth. Strange. Nevertheless we're ready to start if you are.

**Apil:** So, Your time starts… _NOW_!

**Emmett's Girl 47:** Laurent, did you feel left out because James and Victoria were together and you were alone?

**Laurent: **Never! We had a threesome…

**Emmett's Girl 47:** Victoria, did you ever hook up with Laurent after James died?

**Victoria: **No, but beforehand… well… What he said.  
**  
vampire chaud:** James- was Bella's scent only a cover for your obsession with her? Are you really just a paedophile who never had to share toys as a child?

*shifty eyes* My toy, MY TOY! I mean, My Business, not yours!

**vampire chaud:** Benjamin- how does it feel to have to share your name with a pre-existing character? Love is often described as a force of nature so can you control that too?

**Benjamin: **I can't believe that my name was reused, that stinks.I do wish that I could control love, but even if I could, I've already found my perfect match!

**Audience:** Aww…

**vampire chaud:** Typical man, always thinks of himself, what about the rest of us?

**Stefanlover12:** Stefan, Dude you totally rock and you have the same name as a totally awesome hunter! Uh have you ever tried to hunt these weird small blue creatures before?

**Stefan: **Um… aside from cold humans, no.

**Krissy: **For Amazons: Have you met George of the Jungle? Have you ever been swinging on a vine and slam into a tree?

**Senna: **We don't hit trees! But we have met George of the jungle. No one ever saw him after that though. He was really… _yummy._

**Stefanlover12:** Do either of you have weird thoughts about Edward or any of the other Cullen's?

**Peter:** Define weird…

**Mrs Jazz Hale:** Can one of you distract Alice and Edward so that I can steal Jasper?

**Tia:** Which one of us?

**Mrs Jazz Hale:** ANY!

**Cynic-in-a-fishbowl:** I've got a Ms 10 questions too! The chasers are awesome.

Garret, what's your viewpoint on Marxism?

Maggie, do you ever pretend you're actually Artemis Fowl?

For everyone, do you know how many toes a fish has? Or do you know how many wings a cow has? Hmmm?

Benjamin, have you ever gone for a polar bear swim just to aggravate the wildlife?

Liam, are you the strong silent type, or do you rarely talk because you're secretly WELSH!?

FWWBH: when is the chaser coming back to the ABC?

Jasper: are you by any chance Hannibal Lector? The guy who played young Hannibal was a human cupcake, just like you. *squee!*

Randall: is it ever difficult having a name as utterly wanky as yours?

Finally, for everyone: can I get everyone to say malapropism five times really fast?  
**  
Garrett: **Its… interesting.

**Maggie: **I wish! Wait, isn't Artemis Fowl a guy? Are you trying to tell me something.

**Amun: **That's absurd. Seriously? How can you count the number of toes a fish has when-

**Kebi: **Seven? No, no… it three? Right!?

**Benjamin: **No! I would never do something like that!

**Liam: **What? WELSH! No, no. Huh. Funny… *mutters* I thought Aro was joking when he said they know all of your secrets…

**Charlie: **I know, right?

**Heart of Diamonds:** FWWBH isn't here, so I'll answer for her, I have absolutely no idea when the chasers are coming on, but I sure can't wait!

**Jasper:** You know I'm not even meant to be in this chapter? I'm not a nomad or random coven!

**anaa-pixie :** So what, your still HOT!

**Randall:** It is hard having a wanky name like Randall. From now on you all have to call me… Edward!

**Soapy-Liedown:** That names been taken.

**Randall:** Jasper?

**Theevilcookiemonster:** Nope, that too!

**Randall:** Emmett? Carlisle? Jacob?

**ilikesparkles: **No, no and no!

**Randall:** OK then… Hilary!

**ilikesparkles ,Theevilcookiemonster and Soapy-Liedown:** _Right_…

**Cynic-in-a-fishbowl: **And the Malapropism?

**Mary:** We already said it, REALLY fast, so fast that you couldn't hear it. Sorry.

**Krissy:** For all: How many of you gave Edward an offer even though he had a mate and daughter?

**Maggie:** I did.

**Senna:** I did

**Mary:** I did

**Makenna:** I did

**Tia:** I did

**Vladimir:** I did too!

**Krissy:** For Romanians: What was it like wearing man-skirts and man-dresses when they were in Rome? Did they like the violent sports in the Colosseum? Did you purposely make Mount Vesuvius explode in Pompeii just for fun?

**Stefan:** What did it USED to be like? Who still doesn't wear dresses!?

**Vladimir:** And violent sports are the best!

**Stefan:** Especially Ballet and Ice-skating!

**Vladimir:** Of course.

**Destiny Kalince:** Maggie - Can I request your help for a few of my friends who need to see if a few people are cheating on each other?

**Maggie: **Of course! I hate that, it's so terrible knowing and not being able to do anything.

**Destiny Kalince:** Benjamin- I just gotta say you rock!

**Benjamin:** Thanks.  
**  
Krissy:** For Egyptians, Can you do that weird Egyptian dance where your arms are up, your hands pointed and bobbing them and your head to the side then the other side?

**Amun:** I find that insulting!

**The rest of the Egyptian Coven:** *doing the Egyptian dance behind his back*

**Krissy:** For the Irish coven, I heard the Irish people have a worse diet than any other country, including the starving countries where they get no food, because of that, what the heck do you eat over there that is so bad?

**Siobhan:** Think about what you just asked us. We're vampires, what do we eat that's so bad? Why, People of course!

**Destiny Kalince:** Amazons, Can You take me with you? You guys rock and are on my top ten favourite Vampires!

**Zafrina:** Thankyou child. We are honoured. But we are a strictly female only coven; would you be willing to leave Demetri behind?

**Destiny Kalince:** Hell no!

**-mAcKiE-mOo-: **To Peter and Charlotte, Why don't you follow your friend Jaspers lead and go vegetarian like him?

**Charlotte:** We might… But right now we're happy as we are, and we're not doing much damage to the human population.

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** MORE TEN QUESTIONS!

Siobhan, can you will either any of the Cullen boys, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Launtner or Gaspard Ulliel to fall in love with me?  
Maggie, is it true that the world will end in December 2012?  
Liam, can you do an Irish river dance for me? Or at least an Irish accent?

Benjamin, can you give us Sydney-siders some snow? I seriously need an extended break from school...

Amun, considering the fact that you live in the desert, doesn't your skin sparkle a bit indiscreetly?

Garrett, can I gatecrash you and Kate's wedding with lots of ginger beer and Ferrero Rochers? I can bring A positive blood if you want...

Peter, is it just me, or are you like Jasper's long lost twins or something? I mean, you're both blonde, you're tall, you have midget wives, you were in the South with the Newborn armies, you once had a crush on Maria, etc.

Charlotte, did you stop growing at the age of 10? Or were you born a dwarf?

Randall and Mary, are you sure there's nothing going on between the two of you, if you know what I mean...

And lucky last, Alistair, THE VOLTURI ARE COMING! HIDE!

**Alistair:** -swears- Oh **! -runs off-

**Sammy1224:** Geez, thanks a lot for scaring off our guest!

**TDIB:** -smiles- No problem. There's so many of them today!

**Siobhan:** I will not will them to love you. No way! All of them are MINE! Mine I tell you! *squints eyes shut* come on, love me, love me, come on…

**Maggie:** *Snorts* As if.

**Liam: **Top o' the morning to ya! **(I apologise to the Irish community for my terrible try at an Irish accent)**

**Benjamin: **HA! You have to go to school! Sucked in.

**Amun:** Hmm… I've never thought of that. Oh! Is that why people run away screaming when I walk into my local pastry shop?

**Garrett:** Gatecrash? Sure! But make sure you bring a lot of A+ Blood. We have quite a few guests.

**Peter:** Its time you knew… Jasper is my clone. We're one bit of DNA sliced at birth. You see, we have the same mother! But don't tell jasper, he doesn't know yet…

**Charlotte: **Yeah right, and I'm the world tallest woman.

**Randall and Mary:** *making out* *realise everyone is watching and stop making out* Going on? Between Us? Nothing!

**Hymnophile: **For Benjamin, Do you think you could make it stop snowing in New England? Really, it's March, we've had enough.

**Benjamin: **Oh, sorry! I forgot about that! I started that AGES ago; I must have forgotten to stop it.

**Hymnophile:** Kebi, why don't you say much?  
**  
Kebi:** *shrugs*

**Hymnophile:** Alistair, where'd you get such a cool name? And also, has anyone informed you that the Volturi gave up on the Cullens and you're safe?

**Alistar:** Name? Cullens? Volturi? _WHERE_ WHERE? The aliens are coming to EAT me! Hide, hide! FIRE hiss, boo, MUMMY!

**Hymnophile:** And, in the interest of EVERYONE (maybe even the Cullen boys), boxers or briefs, Garrett?

**Garrett:** Neither, None!

**Hymnophile:** *faints*

**vampire chaud:** Randall- who the hell are you? Do you feel depressed for not getting any love from SM?

**Randall: **Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I might as well jump off a cliff. I didn't even get more love than MIKE NEWTON!

**Zafrina:** You'd probably end up damaging the rock more than yourself. You're indestructible, remember?

**vampire chaud: **Garret- please say you wear your hair in a ponytail. In my head you do and you look downright SEXY! And will you pretty please leave Kate for me, I just love bad-ass, rebellious men!

**CullenBlackForever: **Like Jacob!

**Garrett: **Yes, I do wear my hair in ponytail, but no, I will not leave the love of my life for you. Sorry

**Hymnophile:** Siobhan, have you checked out page 756 (or 758, I'm not sure)in BD (the index of vampires)? Because it says there that you possess a "quantifiable supernatural talent."

**Siobhan:** Yes, My talent for… AWESOMENESS!

**Liam:** More like a talent for insanity.

**Hymnophile:** Maggie, how do you know when someone is lying?

**Maggie: **I sort of feel it in my stomach, like intuition only stronger.

**vampire chaud:** Laurent- are you originally from Jamaica or Haiti? I can't decide but you had to be to have that awesome accent.

**Laurent:** Actually, I'm from Scotland, but I sound way cooler with an accent!

**vampire chaud:** Vicky- what do you use to style your curly hair, because I need help.

**Victoria: **It's a mixture of venom and fear!

**James:** Really? I thought I was that hair gel you're addicted to? And your curling iron too! She gets real grumpy when she doesn't have her curling iron.  
**  
vampire chaud:** Alistair- are you really gay because in every FanFic you are in you are? Some say you were one of Carlisle's many admirers *cough Volturi cough*? So in that case, who would you turn straight for?

**Alistair:** Straight? Gay? Volturi! Arghh! Volturiiiiiiiiii! RUN, RUN AWAY!

**Kachiri:** Jeez, He's really paranoid. And kind of retarded.

_Ping._

**VirgIsMyBird: **And that's it. All we have is one last question.

SkittleRocker: So who gets to ask it?

**Stefan:** What's the question?

**Jasper's Soul Mate: **Oh, it's _who would you turn gay for?_

**Vladimir:** We'll write it down.

**The Young Authoress:** Ok. So, we're done? Nice. Untill next time oh faithful readers, until we have on-Who _do_ we have on?

**Kises Of Chocolate:** Don't worry; I'm sure Fuzzy will put it in the author's note. Anyway see you-

**FWWBH:** Sorry I'm late, did I miss anything?

* * *

**He, he, he. I'm really happy with the way this chapter turned out. Not all the answers to the questions were perfect, but I like the whole idea of you guys getting to run the show! It was fun to write. Sorry if didnt put you in, I tried to fit in as many people as possible!**

**Next week, as I said at the beginning of this chapter- is anyone you want. Any questions you have for ANY of the Twilight characters or myself. Ask your favourite characters whatever you want, like questions you forgot to ask when they were on last time. ALL QUESTIONS ARE ACCEPTED!**

**Love (And fruit loops, seriously those things are great!)**

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**

**Renee:** Dory from finding Nemo  
**Phil:** His baseballs bat  
**Sue:** The girl who plays Addison in Private Practice.  
**Billy:** Charlie  
**Charlie:** Chuck Norris


	20. The Final Countdown

Disclaimer: Twilight, New Moon and all related elements © Stephenie Meyer and Little, Brown and Company 2005. All characters and situations—save those created by the author for use solely in this fan fiction—are copyright Stephenie Meyer and are used without permission. No profit is made off this story and it is for entertainment purposes only.

**I apologize for the long wait; I know it's been a while. Dont blame me, I started out with THIRTEEN pages of questions from you guys, all of which were brilliant! So it took me a while to anwser them all. I just wanted this last chapter to be perfect, and I kept getting interrupted whenever I tried to finish it. Whether it was Easter, or end of school, or a Grandparents Birthdays… Well, you get the picture. Sorry!**

**FWWBH: **It is with a sad heart that I put pen to page (or fingers to keys) today, as unfortunately, this is the last interview of your beloved Twenty Bucks. But, as all finales are, this is going to be one spectacular interview!

**Moonlightdarkness724: **DANM STRAIGHT!

**FWWBH:** Today, we have anyone and EVERYONE from the Twilight cast here to answer anything you want, and scream at your favourite characters along the way!

**Anna-pixie: **I love you Jasper!

**MissMusicLover:** I love you Edward!

**FWWBH: **So without further ado, your time starts... NOW!

**-mAcKiE-mOo-:** Edward and Jacob do you own one of those G-stings/thongs that say team Edward or team Jacob?

**Edward: **Hell Yeah! I have a team Edward DUH!

**Jacob:** I have an Edward one too! I'm wearing it now!

**FWWBH:** Too much information. Just… too… much….

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Esme/Carlisle: Can you adopt me?

**Esme:** Sorry hon. we already have too many kids. Ask Emmett and Rosalie, I think they're looking for a kid!

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Emmett: Can you be my adoptive brother? I don't care if I get kill by your hugs!

**Emmett:**YAY! *gives hug*

**Jasper'sSoulMate**: _Can't BREATHE_. *Emmett lets go* Edward, first Can you read my mind, and what am I thinking of right now?

**Edward: **Ew, you cannot do that to Jasper, GROSS! And World domination? Seen it before much?

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Jane: All I have to say is, you're not evil.... just misunderstood.

**Jane: **No, I'm pretty sure I'm just plain evil.

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Felix: Can I adopt you alongside Emmett?

**Felix:**YAY! Felix HAPPY! But where Felix PONY! Are you PONY?

**Alec:** MY PONY! GIVE ME PONY! *vampire cat fight goes on in background*

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Aro: I saw you in k-mart buying socks; do your feet actually get cold?

**Aro: **My feet are always cold my dear, that's one of the downsides to being a vampire. Of course when you realise that your immortal, it always cheers you up a bit.

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Marcus: *reaches into own pocket and pulls out blood flavoured condoms* you dropped these.

**Caius:** Oh goody now we can- NOTHING!

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Have any of you noticed Jasper has more fan girls than Edward, and Alice didn't envision it?

**Edward:** Have you ever thought that maybe Jasper is influencing your emotions to make you fall in love with him?

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **NO! WE WOULD LOVE HIM ANYWAY! Alice, Have you ever tried not seeing the future, like how Edward 'tunes out' so to speak?

**Alice: **I can if I concentrate really hard. It helps if I am focusing on something other than what I'm trying to block out, like thinking about what shopping sales are on instead of what is going to happen at my surprise party.

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Bella: Do you know how many girls want to be you?

**Bella: **Seven hundred and thirty eight thousand six hundred and twenty two. We had a Census.

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Renesmee: Do you like your name? And have you ever misspelt it? And do people often get it wrong?

**Renesmee: **I love my name! It's unique. And yes, people do get it wrong, how is beyond me! It's just Renee and Esme!

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **Jasper: Because I'm so cool, I won't scream I FREAKING LOVE YOU AND WILL YOU DUMP ALICE 4 ME?!!! Like I did just then, instead, I'd like to ask, can you feel if someone is lying?

**Jasper: **Sort of, I can tell if they're feeling guilty or scared, but not if they're outright lying.

**Jasper'sSoulMate: **AND FINALLY to FWWBH: can you do a chapter where the Cullens/James coven and the humans/werewolf's meet the actors that played them in the movie?

**FWWBH: **Hmmm… No. The nudist colony is hard enough as it is!

**Jasper: **MY SOUL MATE! I HAVE COME TO DECLARE MY UNDYING LOVE FOR YOU! *scoops up JSM into his arms and runs out the back door, but only after FWWBH slips him $50 for his fake effort.*

*Jasper's Soul Mate passes out*

**Vampire Note:** *evil laughter* Alright, I want to know if:

A) Caius is truly evil, or he only acts it because his hair turned white prematurely

**Caius: **No! My hair is not white, it's A DIGNIFIED GREY COLOUR, and I am not insecure because I feel like an old man- OH! I think I just popped a hip.

B) If Edward would PLEASE kill Jacob

**Edward: **Sorry, but I kind of can't. He's dating my daughter and I promised her I wouldn't be embarrassing…

C) Where the HELL FWWBH was hiding..... :D

**FWWBH: **A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

D) And if James was really a guy....

**James: **Hey *sob*! I find that *sob* I-insulting! Just *sob* because I like manicures *sob* and am SOMETIMES emotional *SOB* doesn't mean that I *sob* am FEMALE!

**Edward-and-Jasper:** Jasper, what were your family like?

**Jasper: **I didn't have a family; I grew up in an orphanage. Carlisle's is the only family I've ever known!

**Team Jasper: **OMC! A broken hearted, hot, sexy, emotional man with family issues? Jasper just got even SEXIER!

**xXVampyMethXx: ***drool* is that even physically possible?

**star-girl62626**: FWWBH, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA POST THE NUDIST COLONY STORY?!!?

**FWWBH:** Ah, this is important. I will post it soon, about two weeks after this chapter is up actually. But I'll do it sooner with reviews!

**star-girl62626**: And for everyone (yes everyone): WHO LOVES HSM? I DO!

**Jacob**_**:**_Woo Hoo!

**Everyone Else:** *crickets chirp*

**AHoenie39:** Riley-Did you think Victoria really loved you? I mean isn't she like 7, 8 years older than you? Do you like older women?

**Riley: **Actually, she was about three hundred years older than I was. And aren't I supposed to be dead?

**-mAcKiE-mOo-:** This is not a question but JASPER I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE MY FAVOURITE. SORRY IVE WAITED SO LONG TO TELL YOU!!

**Team Jasper**: Back off! First in gets dibbs!

**Jasper's Soul Mate:** So who was first in?

**Stephenie Meyer: **Me! So back off ladies, Jasper's MINE!

**Team Jasper:** *Stares in awe*

**-mAcKiE-mOo-:** Esme is it true you are bringing out you own set of Lego all in beige and white?

**Esme: **No! But that's a good idea! I already have a set of curtains, dining room accessories and underwear in those colours… YAY NEW PROJECT!

**-mAcKiE-mOo-:**Are the Cullens allowed down to first beach now since the treaty is practically stuffed?

**Emmett:** No. We make the locals nervous.

**Emmett's Girl 47:** Hell, you make ME nervous!

**-mAcKiE-mOo-:**Where the hell was FWWBH last chapter?

**FWWBH:**On Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain Chaaaaaar-lie!

**SarahtheEmpath:** Jasper: I LOVE YOU! Oh, and do you wear boxers or briefs?

**Jasper: **I'm like Garrett. I wear NEITHER! Instead I wear women's underwear! Particularly Alice's.

**Team Jasper:**Ok, so he just got a little bit less sexy.

**EdwardCullenismyluv:**OMG Vladimir is your last name Spoonapple and if so do you have 3 nieces named Katie Edwina and Myra and Nephew named Joe. And if you were ever on a dear Edwina show can you sing your song!! And why are you and Stefan so stereotypical?

**Stefan: **Um… I'm not Stefan Spoonapple. And I don't sing. Now, I have come to suck your _blood_!

**EdwardCullenismyluv: **Jane: How do you feel about Dakota Fanning playing you in New Moon? Personally I like her and everything but she is too nice!

**Jane: **Dakota Fanning? That cute little ball of fluff! OH! She is so ADORABLE! Yes she is!

**Chelsea:**Are you on Meds?

**EdwardCullenismyluv: **Leah: how do you feel about Vanessa playing you in New Moon?

**Leah:**Vanessa Hudgens? That creep! So she got Zac Efron, but that wasn't enough for her? HUH!

**Jacob:**Well, Zac Efron is jealous of Edward Cullen.

**EdwardCullenismyluv: **Mike, Lauren, Eric, Tyler, Angela, Jessica and Ben: Hey the Cullens and the other freaks over there aren't human they're vampires except for the La Push people they're werewolf's/shape shifters! *attempts to run*

**Mike:** Does she need medication?

**Lauren:** I have some spare if she wants them!

**Sk8rChick2355:** Jasper, will you marry me?

**FWWBH: **I said no marriage proposals!

**Sk8rChick2355:** Grrr… fine. Jasper, If you could eat anything now, what would it be?

**Jasper: **Um… I don't quite know how to put this but I would probably be you.

**Sk8rChick2355: **Go ahead!

**vampire chaud: **That is just wrong!

**CullensGrl:** Edward: are you satisfied with Robert playing you, or if not who do you think would fit better as you? I mean, no one can be as sexy as you, but who comes closest?

**Edward: **No, no! Robert is SO sexy, he's perfect! I mean, I could just EAT him ALL UP!

**Bella:** Literally, you're a vampire, remember?

**CullensGrl:** -Emmett: You like sports a lot, right? So which one is your favourite? And No, Naughty-Playing-With-Rosalie does NOT count.

**Emmett:** Can you read minds? Because one person who can do that is bad enough!

**CullensGrl:** Bella: if you absolutely had to, who would you choose if you had to pick one: Jasper VS Emmett?

**Bella: **Jasper, because he could make Emmett blubber like a baby! I mean, he even made Edward and Emmett make out!

**Jasper:** Who said I forced them too?

**CullensGrl:** James: Why are you so mean? Were you abused as a child or something?

**James: **Why does no one love me? I feel so alone.

**CullensGrl:** Jasper, What's your opinion of all your fans? Do you often try to calm them with your powers, because if so I don't think it's working so well!

**Team Jasper: **WE LOVE YOU JAZZY WAZZY!

**Jasper: **I see what you mean, here, I'll try to calm them down.

**Team Jasper: **We… Love… Ja..Jasper. *snores*

**Soapy-Liedown:** Edward, what happened t the nudist colony?

**Edward** I'm under a legal obligation which states that I, the contractual participant, must not articulate the events of said nudist settlement.

**Emmett's Girl 47: **James, how old are you?

**Victoria:** I don't know but he has the mental capacity of a two year old.

**James:** *sucks finger* Ma-MA! Goo, goo, goo, goo. Bobble, NOW! BOBBLE!

**Emmett's Girl 47: **Emmett, dump Rosalie, marry me. lol, hey, you said I was cute before

**Emmett: **Err, what? I mean… um… I said…. Ha… *death glares from Rosalie*

**Destiny Kalince: **Edward- you feel any pride in changing millions of girl's standards for men?

**Edward: No! **All girls should have a guy that's cold dead and sparkly.**  
**  
**Destiny Kalince: **Carlisle- *no question just steals doctor jacket* Yes! Now who looks sexy!

*pause*

**Destiny Kalince: ***silence* Damn I thought it was the jacket. Alice- I know you saw who you would be with but jeez do you have to carry around step stool to kiss Jasper off guard?

**Alice:** *Hides stool behind back* NO! Like, as if!

**Destiny Kalince: **Jane- seriously, you creep me out.

**Jane:**Thank you… Mwah ha ha ha ha ha HA *cough*!

**Krissy:** For Edward: I love you! Only one girl in my class is Team Jacob and the rest are Team Edward, are you proud of that?

**Edward: **One girl? Oh no! That's terrible. I can't believe it. Why doesn't anyone love me! No, NO!

**FWWBH:** *cleverly* It's alright Edward, I love you. Now be a good boy and give me a hug. *Triumphant grin.*

**Krissy:**Have you ever considered getting Jacob neutered, so he can't ever get it on with Renesmee and make a human/vampire/werewolf baby with her?

**Edward: **Um… NEVER! We didn't do that in his sleep… Psssh.

**Krissy:** Have you ever noticed that Jacob's fur is about the same colour of your hair and do you suspect that's because he copied you to try to win Bella over or get more ladies to love him?

**Rosalie:** Well, he does need all the help he can get!

**Team Jacob:***Hissssss*

**Krissy:** For Bella: Why couldn't you have gone for your own species? Then Edward would be mine!

**Bella: **Are you a vampire? And anyway, my species are SO boring! W\I mean, would YOU go out with Mike Newton?

**Mike:** PLEASE SAY YES!

**Krissy:** For Jacob: I know there are some girls that are into the whole fluffy thing, but have you ever thought about trying something called waxing!?

**Jacob:** Waxing, NEVER! I'm too manly!

**Krissy:**Are you afraid that when you go all wolfie form you will feel naked if you wax or do you like that feeling*shudders at the thought*?

**CullenBlackForever: **A naked Jacob?Woof!

**Krissy:** Emmett, Why do you stand on the back of the truck so much instead of on the seats, because I noticed that repeat in the movie?

**Emmett: **Seats are for losers! Daredevils stand on the back of trucks.

**Alice:** He doesn't fit inside the cab.

**Krissy:** For Jasper: My sister thinks you look like Hyde from That 70's Show; did you copy his image when you saw the show?

**Jasper: **How do you know that I wasn't actually Hyde? And that I didn't play his character? HMMM?

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:**I LOVE YOU JASPER! *try's to glomp Jasper* hehe and I LOVE your hair! It's awesome. Who does it, and how do they get it that way?

**Jasper:** Thanks? Alice does it-

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** Alice WHO? THERE IS NO ALICE! Emmett, will you be my hypo buddy?

**Emmett: **I am hypo, love being hypo and am hypo all the time! HYPO, HYPO, **HYPO** YAYAYAYAYAY! *Pause* HA!

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** Alice, you're cool and I'm not jealous of you in anyway. Just because you have Jasper and I don't. Cause I'm not. Jealous *thinks: don't say a word Edward!* Anyway, why do you love shopping? I find it annoying!

**Alice: **_Shopping?_ ANNOYING! **Shopping? **SHOPPING!No! Grrrrrrr! Bad human, BAD!!

**Jasper Whitlock Luver:** Lauren... *glares* I don't care what you think but YOUR THE BIGGEST ** ON THIS PLANET! And there is nothing wrong with my face, but there is on yours *Bella chucks green goo onto Lauren*

**Lauren:** Green goo? Original much?

**Jasper Whitlock Luver: ***Is restrained from starting a cat fight by Jasper. Realises Jasper is holding her and Jumps into his arms.* And finally for everyone... Whets the most embarrassing thing that has EVER happened to you?

**Emmett: **There's not enough time to say. Just with Bella alone that could take up the entire show!

**dramaqueen-144: **Jacob: Who do you love more yourself or Nessie?

**Jacob: ***looks in mirror, Then at dramaqueen-144* I love one person more than myself… and he lives in this mirror, SNAP!

**dramaqueen-144: **Emmett, First of all I love you! And secondly how many houses did you and Rosalie brake?

**Emmett:** 67, not that we've been counting or anything…

**Rosalie:** You JERK! It was 68! How could you? Don't you love me enough to care? *Runs off sobbing*

**Emmett: **Baby! Come back, please?

**dramaqueen-144: **Carlisle and Esme: Have you ever sent your family to therapy?

**Esme:** We tried but after they went, their therapist _needed_ therapy.

**lolgirl607:** Stephenie Meyer, my question is that WHY THE HECK DID YOU MESS UP THE LAST BOOK? There were WAY too many coincidences! I mean the entire time was like "Oh, it just HAPPENED to blah blah blah" and "It just HAPPENED that this happened and all is sunshine and donuts"!

**Steph:** I could really use a donut. And I LIKE coincidences. *then it magically just happens to start raining donuts* See?

**lolgirl607: **Alice, will you take my sister and I out on a shopping trip? With Renesmee? And Bella just for the heck of it? And everyone else that was in the book? That would be a heck of a shopping trip...heh heh heh...

_*schemes evilly and cackles in head and does evil scheming finger thingy and lightning strikes and thunder rolls and the day suddenly grows dark and stormy and a cauldron appears out of nowhere with smoke and suddenly she's in a witch costume stirring the cauldron and weird green smoke comes out and a black cat suddenly appears and hisses as she schemes and then she stops and looks innocent with a halo and light coming from the sky and everything disappears except for the cat and she is stroking the cat innocently like a little angel*_

**lolgirl607: **What?

**Alice:** Have you considered therapy?

**Skittle Rocker:** Charlie- Are you in the witness protection program and your real name isn't Charlie, it's Bob? -hums 'Bob the Builder, can he fix it? Bob the Builder, no, but Edward can'-

**Charlie (aka Bob):** NO! How could you say that?... I WANT A LAWYER!

**Skittle Rocker:** Renee, What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?

**Renee:**I… I… *MASSIVE sob* DESTROYED MY BUNNIES! BWAH HA HA HA *continues to sob hysterically until…*

**Phil:** No you didn't!

**Renee:**REALLY? BUNNIES! YAYAY!

**lolgirl607: **And you think I need therapy?

**Alice:** Point taken.

**Skittle Rocker:** Bella- Can I have Edward? Please?

**Bella: **Hmm… I'll think about it.

**Skittle Rocker:**Edward- What's your -cough cough- shoe size? (Sorry, had to have the innuendo, and no one's asked that.)

**Bella:** Large, VERY large.

**Jacob:** Yes, Definitely.

**Edward:** How do _you _know?

**Jacob:** *Turns to Bella* Yeah Bella, how DO you know?

**Skittle Rocker: **Aro, Marcus, and Caius- Do you stalk Edward? If so, can you tell me where to get those little stalker cameras? Not like I need one...pssh...I mean, it's not like I'm gonna stalk Edward...pft... -shifty eyes-

**Aro:** Bunning's! You can get EVERYTHING at Bunning's! Lowest prices are just the beginning! **(Bunning's is a hardware store in Australia)**

**Marcus:**Not like we stalk Edward or anything. Pfft.

**stefanlover12:** Jasper what was it like to be a general in a vampire army?

**Jasper:** It was interesting, but very violent.

**stefanlover12:** Edward, Jasper you guys are my favourite vampires ever! You guys are the best!"

**lionluver1918:**I TOTAL LY LOVE YOU EDWARD MORE THAN ENYONE IN THIS ROOM! EVEN MORE THEN JASPER! OR ANYONE! YAY FOR EDWARD!

**Soapy-Liedown:** YOU CANT LOVE ANYONE MORE THAN JASPER! HE'S AWESOME! I LOVE YOU JAZZY!

**FWWBH:** Didn't I say "no screaming or proclamations of love"?

**lionluver1918: **Yeah, I guess that's pretty much stuffed.

**stefanlover12:** Esme what is it like to have 6 'kids destroying your home on a regular basis?"

**Esme:** On a regular basis? Try about every fifteen seconds! It's a nightmare… but at least it gives me a chance to redecorate!

**stefanlover12:**Carlisle do you ever get irritated by Jasper messing with the fans emotions?"

**Carlisle:**I LOVE jasper… ha... ha ha.... MOOO!

**Esme:** Jasper, quit messing with his emotions!

**Jasper:** Sorry

**stefanlover12:** Mike are you secretly gay and don't want Jess or anybody to find out about it?"

**Mike:**Um… NO! I mean… Ok. Its time to come clean. I AM secretly gay. I'm sure no one suspected-

**Rosalie:** Yeah Right.

**Mike:** - But I AM GAY! And I'm also dating Eric Yorkie. I love you man.

**Eric:** You too babe.

**FWWBH:** I'm sorry, WHAT? That's not weird at all… Hey! JASPER! Are you messing with these guys?

**Angel of Apathy:**Jasper, Could you and Carlisle and Jake and Embry and Seth and James if he's not too busy being dead all come over to England so me and my friends can kidnap – I mean TALK to you?? And can I hug you??

**Jasper: **Um… not sure about the kidnapping, but you can have the hug.

**Rosalie&LeahRule!:** Bella- How does it feel knowing nearly the whole universe is after your husband?

**Bella: **It's scary, but at the same time comforting in the fact that I know I can very nearly kill all of them with my little finger if they get anywhere near to him.

**Team Edward:** *Shifty eyes* That's going to be a problem…

**Eddie-Poo:** Jacob, Why don't you see a shrink!! Everyone except you already knows that you're GAY! Plus we all know that Edward is mine because he's so HOT!

**Bella:** *evil stare*

**Eddie-Poo:**… I mean he's BELLA'S Cuz he's so hot? Sorry?

**Jacob:**I went to counselling with the Cullens. I think it was mainly my fault that the therapist needed therapy.

**Rosalie&LeahRule!:** Rosalie/Jacob- What's your favourite car?

**Rosalie:**The Bugatti Veyron Hermes! Of Course. **(A/N Linkage on my profile!)**

**Twilightluver:**For Steph Meyer."Did you ever think about having Jake imprint on Edward?"

**Stephenie Meyer:** All the time… believe me… ALL the time… Why do you think Jacob turned out the way he is? *Turns to Jacob*

**Jacob:** *Doesn't realise people are watching* Edward, WOOF! Oh yeah, he's the man, he's the man, he's the- *Realises people are watching* Um… Hi?

**The Dawn Is Breaking:** Hey HEY! All right, more ten questions!

Wait...actually...TWENTY QUESTIONS! DOUBLE THE AWESOMENESS!

Edward, please be truthful..Boxers or briefs?

Bella, do you think vampires or werewolves should be a protected species?

Emmett, what would you give for Robert Mugabe's 85th birthday?

Rosalie, would you appoint Paris Hilton as your vice-president if you became  
US president?

Alice, now that the stock market's plunging, and the economic crisis is deepening...Do you still shop til you drop?

Jasper, can you do my Legal Studies homework that's due on Monday? Please?

Carlisle, since you're a doctor, what's the difference between DNA and RNA?

Nessie, WHEN ARE THE CHASERS COMING BACK ON?!

Jacob, are you, in any way, related to Sirius Black?

Mike, YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG! CRYIN' ALL THE TIME! YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG! CRYIN' ALL THE TIME! -Cough-

Jessica, what would you do to stop the Israeli-Palestine conflict?

Lauren, if you could be in any position in the White House besides the  
President, what would you be?

Angela, what house are you in? Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff or  
Slytherin?

Aro, Caius and Marcus, have you ever had a threesome with each other?

Felix, was that you doing the voice over for Marge Simpson?

Jane and Alec, are you guys going to move to Alabama so that you could both  
get married?

Siobhan, can you will the Chasers to come back on the ABC again?

Tanya, be honest, did you secretly lust after Eleazar and Garret when you  
went back to Denali?

Alistair, THE VOLTURI ARE COMING AGAIN! HIDE!

**Alistair:**ARGH! Volturi!

**FWWBH:** Thanks, that's the second time that's happened.

**The Dawn Is Breaking: **And this is to all the vampire and werewolf characters - SHIRT OFF! SHIRT OFF! SHIRT OFF!

**Audience:** SHIRT OFF SHIRT OFF!

**FWWBH:** Ladies, there'll be plenty of time for that at the nudist colony. Calm down.

**Edward:** I wear Briefs!

**Bella**: Definitely, Vamps and wolves should be a protected species!

**Emmett:** I'd give him Rosalie for his birthday!

**Rosalie:**Paris Hilton! OMG! Like TOTALLY!

**Alice:** Who Doesn't?

**Jasper:** Sir Yes Sir!

**Carlisle:**Well, Both DNA and RNA are composed of repeating units of nucleotides. Each nucleotide consists of a sugar, a phosphate and a nucleic acid base. The sugar in DNA is deoxyribose. The sugar in RNA is ribose! So, basically, they're the same thing but with different sugars. Like red liquorice and black liquorice! The same, but different!

**Nessie: **I don't know, Maybe you should have asked Aunt Alice!

**Jacob:** No! But I want to be!

**Mike:** Yes… Cough

**Jessica:** Like, Buy them a new shade of lip gloss!

**Lauren:** Um… there's other positions in the white house besides the president?

**Angela:**I'd be in Hufflepuff Definitely

**Aro:** *shifty eyes* A threesome? NO!

**Felix:** How can you tell!

**Jane:** *shifty eyes* Get married? NO!

**Siobhan: **I'm trying!

**Tanya:** *Shirty eyes* Lusting? NO!

**Mrs. Jazz Hale: **To Alice: Were you upset that Jasper didn't buy YOU a house? are you now so mad that you will give him to me?

**Alice: **Who says that he didn't buy me a villa in Tuscany?

**Team Jasper (of which there appears to be several members):** *sighs longingly*

**Mrs. Jazz Hale:**To Sam: Why do you hate the Cullens so much?

**Sam: **They have cooler powers than we do!

**Mrs. Jazz Hale:**To Esme and Rosalie: Are you sure you are not secretly envious of Bella having Renesmee? Are you going to steal her in the middle of the night when Edward and uh... Bella are going at it?

**Emmett: **No way.

**Rosalie: **NO! WHO TOLD YOU THAT! God ARO WAS RIGHT, YOU CAN READ OUR MINDS!

**Aro: **I was, wasn't I?

**Mrs. Jazz Hale:** To All: Do you ever feel the urge to suddenly spring up and sing Potter Puppet Pals and the Mysterious Ticking Noise?

**Aro:**SNAPE, SNAPE SEVERUS SNAPE!

**Marcus:** Just… no.

**Huntra:** Marcus: *has a staring contest with him*

**Marcus:** *blinks* DAMMIT!

**Huntra:**Seth! *Glomps him into a super tight hug* Leah: How does it feel to be the only female in the pack?

**Leah:** It's like the feeling you get after watching a chic flick with a tub of ice-cream.

**Huntra:**Demetri:Can you track down Caius for me so I can kill him for even thinking about harming Nessie?

**Demetri:** Sorry, I'm too busy tracking my own butt. I just can't… seem... to… find it!

**For Volturi:** Can I join?

**Aro:** Of COURSE! Come to the feeding room- I mean, JOINING room, after this…

_Ping._

**FWWBH:** Oh! I suppose that's the end then?

**Kisses of Chocolate:** Yep. Thank you for letting up time keep!

**Hymnophile: **Yeah. *sniffles* Thanks.

**FWWBH:** OK, so thank you so much for everything-

**Heart Of Diamonds:** WAIT! You forgot THE question!

**FWWBH: **But who am I going to ask it to?

**iluvedward4ever:** _Who would YOU turn gay for?_

**FWWBH:** Me? Well… I suppose I'll have to tell you next chapter!

**details-withheld:** But there is no next chapter!

**FWWBH:** EXACTLY!

**Hey guys, this IS the final interview, yes, but don't be sad, we still have the nudist colony! Review more, the sooner you get your colony story. It's coming along nicely if I do say so myself! **

**HUGE thanks to everyone who's supported me and reviewed me through every chapter. You all know who you are; I mean, you all got to ask the questions every chapter!**

**Love (And... Stuff, No, I've got to do better than that! A little piece of Edward's Hair, or Jacobs Fur? More Cyber Cookies? One Free slap to the character of your choice? I don't know, you guys can choose! OH! TWILIGHT EASTER EGGS! YOU CAN ALL HAVE TWILIGHT EASTER EGGS! YAY FOR YOU!)**

**FWWBH (**FuzzyWuzzyWithBadHaircut**)**

**5802 Words, I know, Right?!**


	21. The Nudist Colony!

As some of you may already know (or at least the ones who have me on author alert) THE NUDIST COLONY IS NOW UP! I had to upload it as a different story because it was too long on its own as an addition to this story.

**All you have to do to find it is go to my profile page, and down the bottom of the page is the "My Stories" section. It should be listed under there! Alternately, try going to **

**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5004521/1/**

**Go! And dont forget to review!**

* * *

**Summary:** A pranking war with a difference, Emmett in a g-string, Jasper's blue balls and the great volleyball incident? What else can you expect when the Cullen's and Denali's go to a nudist colony for one VERY interesting 1960's summer vacation!

* * *

**Love ~FWWBH**


	22. Anniversary Edition: Twilight Movie Cast

**I don't own. Hope you like my special guests.**

**FWWBH: **Welcome to Twenty Bucks, it feels like we really never left. But- as this is the special one year _anniversary edition_ of 20 Bucks in Twenty Seconds it has actually been a YEAR since I first created this story. Surprising, eh?

This is for my readers. I love you guys HEAPS! And ESPECIALLY To those who came after all was written, said and done but _still_ managed to leave a review unlike some of you that have been here from the start and could not be bothered to lift up your lazy fingers and click on the small greenish looking review button and type in one word. I thank _you. _Reviews are the reason I do what I do for you guys. Because you like me.

**Alex Pettyfer:** Hi everybody! I'm here to give a bear hug to every girl in the audience....

**Angelina Jolie:** And I'm here to do the same for the guys **(A/N Do I have any guy readers? Cause I totally dont know, If you're a guy. Please review nad tell me so that I know for future reference)**

**Audience:** *squeals then faints*

**FWWBH: **So today, it is for you guys that I do my special anniversary edition of 20 Bucks in 20 Seconds. _(turns to **Movie Cast** of Twilight and New Moon) _You ready guys?

**Cast: **YES!

**FWWBH:** Your time starts… NOW!

Rob Pattinson. Do you actually LIKE your hair? What's with you and Kristen Stewart, lovers or not? And are you gay?

**Robert Pattinson (Edward): **That's a lot of questions. Very good questions. You know you make an excellent host? I would LOVE to host a TV show-

**Audience: **Quit Stalling!

**RP: **Grrr. Fine. (Pinches bridge of nose) Yes, I like my hair. No, K. Stew and I aren't lovers. And… Maybe

**FWWBH: **Kristen, you have gotten to make out with Robert, feel Taylor's abbs and get a bear hug from Kellan… Which was the best?

**Kristen Stewart (Bella): ***drools* mmmm… I dont know, mabye if I could try them all again? *looks hopeful*

**FWWBH: **Kellan, do you by any chance like tall, funny, dirty blonde, Australian fanfiction hosts?

**Kellan Lutz (Emmett): **Sure! I mean, it's not like I know any though! But if you could introduce us?

**FWWBH: ***grins* OK. And one more thing. Will you flex your muscles… for the audience of course!

**Kellan:** *Flexes muscles*

**Audience: ***drools*

**FWWBH: **Damn it! Why did we have to get new carpet in the studio for the one year anniversary? Now it's going to be flooded with drool! Nikki, what's your biggest weakness?

**Nikki Reed (Rosalie): **Chocolate! And I'm sure all the audience feels the same! Which is why I've arranged for FREE BLOCKS OF CHOCOLATE FOR EVERYONE!!!

**FWWBH:** *mutters* God. You'd think this was Oprah.

**Audience Member:** Dude. Don't complain. Its free chocolate!

**FWWBH: **Jackson, who's your biggest celebrity crush on?

**Jackson Rathbone (Jasper): **I don't know, I've always loved Sam and Dean from Supernatural. They're so cool, the way they fight all the demons…

**FWWBH**: Ashley, in what way are you most similar to Alice? (Aside from looks)

**Ashley Green (Alice): **Well, I tend to talk a lot. That's one thing! And shopping. OMG! I love shopping! I mean, just the other day I saw this GOREOUS pair of Dolce boots that would match that scarf that I brought a couple of weeks ago but _then_ I thought that if I got the Manolo pumps to go with it that I could use it for TWO more outfits-

**Sam and Dean from _Supernatural_: ***bursting through doorway* FREEZE! I heard that there were vampires in the immediate vicinity. We will TAKE THEM OUT, so there is no need to panic. Your exits are to-

**FWWBH: **Um GUYS? Hello? This is the MOVIE cast of TWILIGHT! There are no vampires here.

**Sam:** OMC! TWILIGHT? I LOVE YOU SPUNK RANSOM!!!!! OMC OMC OM- *turns to see Dean stare at him* What?

**Dean: **You like Rob? DUDE? How can you go past _Kellan_?

**Jackson Rathbone:** OMG! SAM AND DEAN!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!

**Dean:** Whoa. Time to go. *Runs out of the studio*

**JR:** _[Chases after Sam and Dean]_NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE DON'T GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

**Robert Pattinson: **_[Chases after Jackson Rathbone]_JACKSON! DON'T **YOU **LEAVE! I HAVENT EVEN GOT A CHANCE TO TELL YOU THAT I'D TURN GAY FOR YOU YET!!!!!

**Edward Cullen: **_[Comes onstage and Chases after Robert Pattinson]_MY ROBBIE POO! COME BACK TO ME! I LOVE YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH STINKING BELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

**Jacob Black: **_[Comes from offstage and Chases after Edward Cullen]_EDDIKINS! COME BACK! I LUUUUUUUURVE YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME FOR SPUNK RANSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

**Random Poodle: **_[Chases after Jacob Black]_WOOOOOOOOOF! WOOF WOOF! WOOF! Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk.** (Translation: JACOB! YOU PEED ON MY FIRE HYDRANT! COME BACK HERE AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN!) **

**MICHEAL WELSH (Mike Newton): **_[Chases after Poodle]_ WHY ARE WE ALL SHOUTING? HEY! THIS IS FUN!!!!

**FWWBH: ***shocked silence*…

Okay.

Elizabeth, what do you like most about yourself?

**Elizabeth Reaser (Esme): **Hmmm… The fact that I don't make Gay proclamations about myself on Fanfiction TV?

**FWWBH: **Peter, could you ever see yourself becoming a doctor?

**Peter Faccinelli (Carlisle): **I don't think so. I'm not that great with all the blood and gore. Besides, I'd be putting more people in hospital- 'cause when they saw me in the doctors' coat, they'd all faint!

**FWWBH: **Dakota, you're only new to the cast. What was your first impression of all of them?

**Dakota Fanning (Jane): **Well, obviously I thought all the guys were extremely good looking. Although Kellan kinda scared me and I thought Rob desperately needed a hair brush. I liked Nikii and Ashley a lot, they both shared a lot of my passions and Elizabeth was always really nice to us all, she was sort of like a mother hen. And I loved the wolf pack- so many shirtless guys at once!

**FWWBH: **What about Kristen Stewart?

**Dakota: **Yeah. No. I didn't really like her at all.

**KStew**: Hey!

**FWWBH:** Alex, how do you handle being the hottest member of the wolf pack?

**Alex Meraz (Paul): **Well, all wolves run at a toasty temperature, so I wouldn't say that I'm the hottest of the pack *winks cheekily*

**FWWBH: **Billy, what's with the 'stache?

**Billy Bourke (Charlie): **Don't disrespect the 'stache. If feels things too you know.

**FWWBH: **Christian, how do you feel that there's no 'Ben' character in the movies? Are you disappointed that you have to date Eric instead of what's supposed to be your one true love? And is it weird that Justin Chon has a really tiny fluffy Moustache?

**Christian Serratos (Angela): **It's really disappointing. I would have loved to go out with someone like Ben- he's actually one of my favourite characters in the books! And as for Eric. Who would you rather, you're one true love or well… a guy with a fluffy moustache?

**Justin Chon (Eric): **Respect the 'stache!

**FWWBH: **No. Just no.

**Justin: **DAMN YOU!!!

**FWWBH: **Finally, just before the timer runs out. Taylor Launtner. Will you please-

**Audience: **"SHIRT OFF" "SHIRT OFF" "SHIRT OFF"

**Taylor Launtner:** *slowly reaches down and start to pull his shirt up inch by inch until-*

DING.

**FWWBH: **Time's up!

Unfortunately, since this is a special anniversary edition of 20 Bucks in 20 Seconds… well. I won't be able to give you who the cast of Twilight would turn gay for until NEXT anniversary edition… _IF_ I even put up another edition.

Then again… You could always review and I could tell you.

**'Nuff Said. This was just for the readers. Hope you enjoyed it! If you're still hungry for MORE… maybe check out one of my other fics. I have a new EmxR one shot up...~FWWBH- P.S sorry for all the capital letter use 1/2 way through the chapter! I felt it was ****necessary...**


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